[CL] Some poems and junk

[Mykalwane]

Not really sure about this one. Kind of trying to write and had Paperman playing. Maybe just the click of everything in my head. I don't know. It isn't a good sign when the author is unsure of why or what has been written.

Batik pique

A simple line.
A simple pine.

Yet does it define.
Yet does it confine.

A simple line.
Doth heart find.

Where two points meet.
For which they seek.

Feel ever unique.
Feel ever clique.

Heart bespeak.
Heart mystique.

[Ioreth]

It isn't a good sign when the author is unsure of why or what has been written.

Actually this has happened to me before with really good feedback. My PoM #8 piece and 'Someone Else'. They kind of just came to me. I didn't know wtf I was doing but it turned out alright lol...

The 4th stanza is weird I think. You went to 'met' and everything else is in the present tense. Perhaps it should be 'meet' instead. Also, the following line, I think you meant to put 'they' like 'For which they seek'.

[Mykalwane]

K done. Though the thing is, if you can't track the route to how you got there. How do you get there again? Even the title seems odd, melted wax indignity. Which sounds detached from it. Especially with heart speaking of the heart's unknown. It just seems all over without a point to find, yet two seem to meet. Its a complexion perplexion, that's vex my mind.

[Ioreth]

Well, what I mean is, I didn't force them. I just thought of them and they happened. Usually, I have to scout out words to rhyme with or research different subjects or look up words to get things to fit. Those poems were more a product of feeling rather than a usual writing project.

[Mykalwane]

That is never the case for me. Mostly it is a click, spark of neurons. One pop to another. Forming an amalgamation of creation. Grasping straws, trying for some sense. From words smashed together, forming the allusion of thought.

[Ioreth]

Everyone has their own methods, it seems.

[Mykalwane]

Dante's Inferno
Rated: M
System: Xbox 360

Fun:0
Graphics:1
Game play:0
Sound:0

1/4


Dante's Inferno is hell. It's clunky, hedonistic, want a be of God of War. Outside of the neatness of turning a literary work into an interactive one, there isn't anything worth while. The best moments come from these moments of awe and wonder on how they integrated these ideas. Something that only shows when they stop trying to be God of War, and it is a walk threw hell. In every good or horrible way, it is hell. The most joyous moment was when the end credits rolled, and was done with this hell.

The walk threw hell is interesting. The best moments come from how this sin is integrated into the world. Though after a certain point, were bored with the idea. Its easy to tell, because its when the game gets boring. Where it excelled visually, soon becomes bland pandering. See how shocking we can be, we have you killing babies. Look tits, vague vagina designs, look dicks. See how dirty we are, cause its hell.

From that, we have the descent into bad gameplay. The worse thing about it, is its good ideas that have flatten out of any grander. Death scythe for example, this is a weapon gain from killing death. How great is that? Yet it turns into a hammer knife. A hammer with a knife, that is the best you got. Not going to try for something to match the gratuitous of death himself. Well however stupid it may be, if it works maybe it is great. When you see him flopping from one enemy to another, its a wonder to see how it can be a threat. Its not, the best weapon is actually a cross. Which you use to save souls. Well this bag of tricks, don't seem to be cool. What can we do, oh I know we can have magic like God of War. Even that tends to go the stupid route. The orgasmic screams from Lusty boss to shield smash your foes. That be cool when comboing. Which even the slush of killing prove to be nothing but repetitive hell.

Maybe if it is boring and repetative, it might have cool boss fights. Outside of Death, no. The first bad ass boss fight, making every one else a let down. The Devil himself is nothing compared to that. Just the power of christ with a cross is all you need. Each boss, more and more a disappointment. The hardest thing about the fight with the devil, quick time events. Which come up everywhere. Even to go threw a door, you got a quick time event. Not even the fun kind, the boring you have to hit b button long enough to hide the loading. Even hitting it faster does nothing, and if you just keep hitting it the same you fail.

A tourchious experience from beginning to end. It is curiosity to see how anyone can enjoy this inferno. It is nothing but hell. Taking on that experience is the only reason why anyone should play it. Any game after that walk threw hell, be paradise. Which may make it a rent to some, just to see how bad it is. Otherwise I avoid that hell.

[Mykalwane]

Dead man aren't in Plaid

~

Walked in with the eyes of the devil,
with a body to boil a kettle.
Too bad she had a mind to meddle.

Made the barrel in her hand a happy sight.
Though it be the undertaker in delight.
Even if that barrel be a blight.

There were worse ways to end the game.
Compared to this, they seem tame.

"So I take the candle stick to the head was no accident."
I spouted out, hoping to find an escape from death's entanglement.

"Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life."
She responded without any reason be rife.

"So that is why Mr.Green was red. Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.
You could of just scram, but no you felt the need to give his brain a wham.
So that mouth of yours can clam.You only wish to be damn, so I'll give you that ma'am."

Throwing the candlestick at the light bulb, made a big kaboom.
Threw her aim off, only my arm did she wound.
Giving her face a fist to consume.

Who knew you escape your tomb, in a game of clue.

I don't really know why I just think it flowed better to me <3

I It feels like the rhyming scheme is being forced. While the technique used would've worked well with the subject, it just seems like it's kind of done in a rush cause of how it was utilized.

With any poems/songs/written word/performance/anything arts or literature-related, it's a good rule of thumb to have a good beginning and a good ending, you can muck up the details in the middle and people will still love your poem if you've got those two aspects down pat.

anyway, i realize, i don't really know the rules here, as i haven't been here in a while. nothing i said is meant to tear anyone down, just some comments/opinions on them, plus it could be helpful to the writers if they take it into consideration, i don't know. Either way, I do love the written word and I have no qualms with any pieces I've ever seen, unless I know for a fact that there's no spirit put into it.

Was near the deadline, and was having trouble with it.

Dead man aren't in Plaid - A fun, tounge-in-cheek poem with a rather erratic form.

The tounge in cheek nature was how I got it work at all. The reason for the title is that nature, and a reference to the movie Dead men don't wear Plaid.

I love the way it seems to be based off of a game of Cluedo, that really appealed to me and stood out as a unique piece because of it. Very well done.

Wasn't based off it. Was referencing it because I was having trouble and was looking at Clue the movie so I stopped worrying. "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn." being a direct quote from the movie. Just loving that line I started to think of the rest when I heard it. There may be more reference to it in the poem, but they weren't intentional. The only one I intended to have in because it references Gone with the Wind.

[Mykalwane]

Had http://vimeo.com/19733014 running threw my head. Lead me to writing this.

Edits given by [mention=32476]Ioreth[/mention] which were fallowed.

You Deserve A Chance to Fly
~
The simple hiss of a whips.
Ever so sweet of a feat.
A little note of hope.
In the ear, to relieve fear.

Kiss of cheek,heart skips a beat.
Finger wrapped around, happily bound.
Would grovel in submission, feed ambition.

Move with volition, away from this position.
Set free to the sky, and defy.
Ever so wry, give it a try.
Leave this tapestry, defy this apogee.

Let us escape this reality, defy gravity.
Let us fly,even if we die.
Let us be veracity, live alacrity
Let us be free to be.

Wow, I love this. A few spelling errors/typos perhaps, but it is really good. Probably my favorite from you, Mykal.

[Mykalwane]

Another inspired by http://vimeo.com/19733014

Defying Gravity
~
Flying high defying gravity
Frown won't bring me down
Off the ground away from reality
Might be a fatality
Might be astound
Be awhile till found
Sure to make a sound

[Mykalwane]

This one came along while listening to music while relaxing in my car at lunch. If you can guess the song and artist that is in here. You get credits.

Relaxing

A golden coin in the sky
Shines a smile on my face
Its just another day

Life's whye

That comes my way.
Delight to taste.
Walking dream to why.

[Ioreth]

Had http://vimeo.com/19733014 running threw my head. Lead me to writing this.

You deserves a chance to fly
~
The smple hiss of a whisp.
Ever so sweet of a feat.
A litle note of hope.
In the ear, to aleave fear.

Kiss of cheek,heart skips a beat.
Finger wrapped around, happily bound.
Would grovel in submission, feed ambition.

Move with volition, away from this postion.
Set free to the sky, and defy.
Ever so wry, give it a try.
Leave this tapestry, defy this apogee.

Let us escape this reality, defy gravity.
Let us fly,even if we die.
Let us be veracity, live alacrity
Let us be free to be.

Wow, I love this. A few spelling errors/typos perhaps, but it is really good. Probably my favorite from you, Mykal.

[Mykalwane]

Well you might want to point them out since they were missed by me.

[Mykalwane]

This one I think has a more interesting story then poem. This one came about by thinking about Shepard. The price that would pay to be alive after the Destory ending. If I can make it into more, I might write it out. The story is that Shepard's brain is damage. After the war with the Reapers s/he losses short term memory. That there is no escape from the war, the mind won't let any new in. Which leads to questioning of who this girl is. Liara and Shepard first daughter Azul. Wanting to be there for the daughter Shepard loves, but has no idea who she is. Since Shepard can't escape the war to enjoy the world that came after.

Price of tomorrow
~
When memory fades the heart wades.
Moments of bliss,yet only having this.
Continue forth for that is what its worth
The chance that this may pass.
Why to strugle ahead, instead of the dread.

[Ioreth]

Kay.

1. You *Deserve* A Chance To Fly
2. The *simple* hiss of a *wisp*
3. A *little* note of hope
4. In the ear, to *relieve* fear