i'm a mess of a human being

[Master of Vvardenfel]

[Moulders]

I would recommend drinking. At least then it doesn't matter.

[lolin]

My personal trauma did control me for a good long while. Years. I was quite content giving in to the pain. I only began to fight back out of guilt and responsibility if Im being 100% honest. To regain control, I had to find purpose which was not easy, because again, I was content having none. Ultimately, that's what drove me into the medical field. Even though its too late for me to change my tragedy, I will do everything I can to save others from a similar outcome. It wasn't easy. It's been brutal. Ask MoV, pretty sure Ive told him Im a masochist a million times just this week, and not in the hot kinky way....in the, why do I punish myself so much way. XDDD


MoV is an exception to every rule. v_v Im not sure how nature created him but I agree he is a rare phenomenon.


That said, I don't think either one of us are where we pictured ourselves being at this age. There's plenty of things I want that I don't have, that make me depressed to think about.


Lolin, do you know how to eat an elephant? :3

you eat an elephant all in one bite, obvs

or don't eat them at all because they're pretty much sentient

I appreciate the sentiment but like Arya said, we do our best to put up fronts, we've been lucky enough to have each others support through this and I understand that not everyone has that.

I am far from put together, I have no formal education, never got my GED, I have 3 unfinished degrees, 2 from universities and one from a tech school, with all the associated debt from that, I work full time at a dead end low tier job because I literally don't know what else I want to do with my life.

but I try not to think too much about that.

Instead I focus on things that are achievable.

you're not too delayed because you're 30, hell dude, you're only 30!

30 FEELS OLD TO ME D;

and you're doing something about it currently, which is cool. i'm... not back there yet, i had a setback which pushed me away from school, and work is so far out of my reach that i dunno if i'll ever get back there

You're the most put together person I know.


and thats the thing, [mention=881]lolin[/mention] being "put together" isnt a measure of achievements. One of our lead cardiac surgeons lost his job a few months ago because come to find out.... this doctor who probably makes a few million a year...has a mansion out on the beach...drives a Benz G-wagon.....beats his wife in front of his children. He was beating his wife so bad one night it could be heard from the beach and a tourist who heard the commotion called 911. This guy was highly esteemed and had been for 20 years....but he was also a raging, wife beating, alcoholic.

dont beat yourself up. <3

damn, that's harsh

he tried to handle the stress of being a cardiac surgeon by taking it out on the one closest to him

poor ladies, we get the shaft most of the time i feel

not that shaft

[lolin]

also you and MoV are adorable together, arya

[NanoChan]

i rarely cook, i rarely clean, i feel depressed all the time

oh wow, this sentence describes me

[lolin]

wow we're like the same person then!

wait no that's sad

[NanoChan]

Very sad

[Master of Vvardenfel]

also you and MoV are adorable together, arya

We fight to see who is the biggest mess of all.

And again, having support helps. Never be afraid to ask for help if you need it, it can come from unexpected places.

[lolin]

i have noticed that, actually

i've had some people i would never have expected message me and ask if i'm okay

[Arya]

also you and MoV are adorable together, arya

pfff you've never seen us argue. I mean like, a legit fight.

[Master of Vvardenfel]

pfff you've never seen us argue. I mean like, a legit fight.

I don't think anyone has tbh.

[lolin]

izzat because you never fite

[Master of Vvardenfel]

izzat because you never fite

nah, just both intensely private people

[lolin]

that's fair, i barely know anything about either of you

[Arya]

nah, just both intensely private people

It's probably a good thing. We get really emo really fast. and not in the good black eyeliner kinda way.