Hey! Its me, Lauren. Crazy cat lass strikes back

[LilMissLarBear]

Even if its just a little bit, I think getting into a habit would be great. For me personally I just want some kind of routine with it and just enjoy going again since before last week, it has been ages since I last went.

This is true. There are days when the prospect of going training just seems very unappealing, but I always feel great afterwards. Aim a little higher every time you go, but only do what feels comfortable. As long as you can see some progress, that is enough.

Funny you should say that! Progress has been made (although just recently I have been slacking) and for one of the classes I tried to go one up with the weights and managed to do it! Will probably start going to the gym more again once Ive got these assignments handed in. One is due in this Thursday and the other a week after that

[LilMissLarBear]

I feel that and sometimes I feel bad just sitting in my room doing nothing for hours except watching stuff but sometimes you just wake up feeling mentally and physically exhausted

oh these next few days are prolly gonna mentally tire me out for sure. Got so much on at the moment and so much stuff planned that has been on my mind quite a bit.

[LilMissLarBear]

I bit the bullet and I decided to leave the uni gaming club discord server yesterday. I left some good friends in there but the main reasons why I decided to leave was that I felt like there was some judgemental people in there. Some would comment on peoples gaming ability, some would slander people who would play certain games, namely jrpgs or anything anime/japanese. It pushed me so far i left a social crying so I though this is not for me and I am happy to look elsewhere for people to play games with me but for now enough is enough for me.

[Ojisama]

Too right.

[LilMissLarBear]

It was still a hard choice because for one, I had some level of responsibility on the server and on top of that it was a very small minority of people that would be guilty of the above but it got to a point where after a stressful day, those socials would not make me feel better one bit

[richardallen1976]

I bit the bullet and I decided to leave the uni gaming club discord server yesterday. I left some good friends in there but the main reasons why I decided to leave was that I felt like there was some judgemental people in there. Some would comment on peoples gaming ability, some would slander people who would play certain games, namely jrpgs or anything anime/japanese. It pushed me so far i left a social crying so I though this is not for me and I am happy to look elsewhere for people to play games with me but for now enough is enough for me.

Don't let trolls upset you to that extent dear, they're not worth it

[LikkleMel]

I get what you mean. My mum when she was in Uni (as a mature student) for her Law she said their were some pretty anal students and they would think they were on some level above everyone else and treat others like crap. It isn't nice and sometimes hard to ignore and just enjoy what you are doing.

They shouldn't be judging what type of games you play, Hey I don't like to play FIFA 24/7, but I don't say "OMG people who just play FIFA are totally not real gamers"

[PharaohAtem]

There were a few like that in high-school though it was mostly I have money my mommy got me a new car sbd your all peons. It's like keep your crappy thoughts to yourself and leave everyone alone. Just because you dint like something doesn't mean you ruin it fir everyone. Yeah that makes me angry it's like u%ggggggggg

[LilMissLarBear]

They shouldn't be judging what type of games you play, Hey I don't like to play FIFA 24/7, but I don't say "OMG people who just play FIFA are totally not real gamers"

There was someone in VC one time judging the crap out of someone who they could see was playing OSU! He didn't even know the guy and that was the first kinda red flag of some of those people because others started laughing too. I didn't find it funny. Plus it made me ashamed because I play OSU as well (it was around the time I was getting back into the game too).

So yeah it's easier said than done but only it isn't it's just altogether hard to control that feeling of just ignoring them because that behavior triggered a lot of shit from when I was a kid and when I was bullied so yeah did not want to go back to that again.

[Ojisama]

Hey. How are you doing?

[richardallen1976]

They shouldn't be judging what type of games you play, Hey I don't like to play FIFA 24/7, but I don't say "OMG people who just play FIFA are totally not real gamers"

There was someone in VC one time judging the crap out of someone who they could see was playing OSU! He didn't even know the guy and that was the first kinda red flag of some of those people because others started laughing too. I didn't find it funny. Plus it made me ashamed because I play OSU as well (it was around the time I was getting back into the game too).

So yeah it's easier said than done but only it isn't it's just altogether hard to control that feeling of just ignoring them because that behavior triggered a lot of shit from when I was a kid and when I was bullied so yeah did not want to go back to that again.

Yeah I've been bullied most of my life on and offline purely for being an unemployed disabled person.

[LilMissLarBear]

I have a autism/adhd assessment tomorrow which means I had to book the day off work. This was done way in advance but now that the day is now very soon approaching im quite nervous. I have a lot to bring up if they let me because im sure whoever is gonna be there to see me will have their own agenda. I need to address my outbursts of anger triggering by feeling like I can never do right/feeling like something is always my fault and I should be punished for it. The next sentence or two I will cover up, read the next bit at your own discretion:

  Spoiler:  

Earlier today I punched myself in the face 10+ times due to my anger outburst because I tried to help someone but I felt like I failed as a person because I was basically shut down from my suggestion. I later decided to remove myself from my laptop and headed into town to calm down- I went to Geek Retreat for a milkshake and read some manga they had there

I know its something that needs addressing but Im not sure if thats a separate issue or if its relevant to bring up. 

[LilMissLarBear]

Birthday in a week let's goooo

[richardallen1976]

I have a autism/adhd assessment tomorrow which means I had to book the day off work. This was done way in advance but now that the day is now very soon approaching im quite nervous. I have a lot to bring up if they let me because im sure whoever is gonna be there to see me will have their own agenda. I need to address my outbursts of anger triggering by feeling like I can never do right/feeling like something is always my fault and I should be punished for it. The next sentence or two I will cover up, read the next bit at your own discretion:

  Spoiler:  

Earlier today I punched myself in the face 10+ times due to my anger outburst because I tried to help someone but I felt like I failed as a person because I was basically shut down from my suggestion. I later decided to remove myself from my laptop and headed into town to calm down- I went to Geek Retreat for a milkshake and read some manga they had there

I know its something that needs addressing but Im not sure if thats a separate issue or if its relevant to bring up.

I sympathise, I had an MRI in October 1999 for suspected ASD, I had it, then they "lost" the results so I had to have another one! I know the NHS ain't perfect but come on!

I was eventually formally diagnosed with what in 1999 was known as Asperger's Syndrome, now more commonly known as Autism Spectrum Disorder (and contrary to popular belief I am NOT retarded)

[LilMissLarBear]

Jesus! It must have been really hard to have to go through it a second time! (Assuming you had to do *everything* again including the initial assessment)

I just noticed I never mentioned how that went down- my assessment. So I have another one booked because they haven't ruled out ASD yet. But getting my report back with everything that was discussed it did mention that I didn't meet the threshold for autism but they want to investigate more if it's more Asperger's. It mentioned that there's evidence of hindering social skills/social contact some sensory difficulties and a heavy special interest. My next assessment is on the 18th and this is the one I'm told it's likely I will be getting a diagnosis from. If they still need to look further then ofc another assessment will be booked on the back of that