"We should duel sometime." - Joey Wheeler (Emotive's ALJ)

Where you can keep a diary of your life. Only one topic per member, please!

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Naughty Kitty
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Post by Naughty Kitty » 22 Jan 2022, 00:21

Sometimes it can't be helped glad you got some rest in anyways! :)


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Post by Naughty Kitty » 22 Jan 2022, 00:26

You're very welcome. :)


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Post by Emotive » 22 Jan 2022, 19:31

I'm trying to enjoy myself, and dad just keeps trying to either piss me off or cause me to get depressed through saying certain things that I grew up with bullies telling me... I didn't expect to deal with this at home too, even from dad. So, whatever, I'll just try to enjoy my games when he's at home, keeping my distance. It'll be better than hearing what I'm hearing from him. He never really understood that with someone like me words cut so deep it might as well reach my soul, but he just figures because he doesn't consider it a "big deal" that I don't either I guess. Nothing I say will convince him otherwise, clearly. I'm pretty sure he's trying to scare me too. So, that's just great.

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Post by Naughty Kitty » 22 Jan 2022, 23:22

*hugs* It sounds scaries, I'm sorry Emotive hope things improve!

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Post by Emotive » 23 Jan 2022, 10:48

Naughty Kitty wrote:
22 Jan 2022, 23:22
*hugs* It sounds scaries, I'm sorry Emotive hope things improve!
*bearhugz back* It'll be ok. Things are probably going to be ok. :^_^:

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Post by Naughty Kitty » 25 Jan 2022, 02:27

I certainly hope so anything I can do just let me know! :)

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Post by PharaohAtem » 25 Jan 2022, 18:38

hi
Image

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Post by Naughty Kitty » 26 Jan 2022, 02:53

Also hi hope all is well today! :)

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Post by Emotive » 26 Jan 2022, 03:21

Naughty Kitty wrote:
25 Jan 2022, 02:27
I certainly hope so anything I can do just let me know! :)
Ok. :^_^: Actually just talking with people online helps substantially, more than I thought it would, so talking to me is really helpful. :^_^:
PharaohAtem wrote:
25 Jan 2022, 18:38
hi
Hey Atem! How are ya? How have you been? Sorry I've been kind of absent the past few days, just kind of withdrawing into my Ken's Rage games recently. Are you ok? *BEARHUGZ* :^_^:
Naughty Kitty wrote:
26 Jan 2022, 02:53
Also hi hope all is well today! :)
It really isn't because I'm hearing mom and dad arguing when they're not even here, so that gets confusing. Like, too confusing. It's hard to pick out whether they're really arguing or not, sometimes it feels like they're tag-teaming against me, but I know that mom would never do that, so I can at least keep myself from getting THAT paranoid for too long, but dad... I mean, my step-father anyway, I wouldn't put it past him to be making my life a living hell. Well, he is. Whenever I fall asleep, he makes a loud noise like stomping or yelling at me to wake me up. And now I know for a fact that I'm unable to sleep without medication, I just lay there for hours with nothing happening. So... I apparently cannot sleep unless I have something to help me relax, because my brain is that active with this mental illness. It's a mental hell, at times. The fact that I know mom is still on my side helps significantly too whenever I'm extremely paranoid, I can bring myself back by realizing that. Sometimes it takes a while, and, I feel ashamed whenever I lash out, but sometimes I kind of lash out at her but I really don't mean to. I hate myself when I do that, I apologize as soon as I'm able to calm down, but I love my mom. She's my only family left too, and the only family I need really. I don't need all these games, systems or consoles, I'd be happy if we both just left to live on our own, away from dad and his psychological terrorizing of me, but it's not my decision. I feel so bad when I do lash out, it's just when things get overwhelming and I get so paranoid it gets difficult to restrain my anger. Apparently I'm still better at restraining myself than my step-father though. lol He still yells and breaks things like a little kid. Whenever I lash out at mom though I feel so bad, but with my step-father psychologically terrorizing me like he evidently is, it gets really difficult to keep myself under control and from lashing ot at people. I'm really trying to be better about that, I don't ever want to lash out at someone else, let alone my only family, but sometimes even my patience just gets so overwhelmed I end up doing that. I don't know how she's so patient with me when I do though, but hearing voices, AND dealign with my step-father's psychological terror, it really depletes my patience a lot. Still though, I'm able to restrain myself from slamming things and yelling at people at max volume, but my step-father clearly isn't. I mean, how sad is that? He's almost twice my age, literally. The fact that I can be more mature than him most of the time right now, is just comical. But I'm glad I didn't pick up too many of his behavioral patterns. I'm glad mom raised me the way she did, I'm a good person and I'm polite, one of the nicest people you'll ever meet probably. lol So, I'm glad I take after her more than him. I love my family, even if I do get a little bratty sometimes. I'm trying to work on that too, I hope I'm succeeding in trying to fix my bratty moments, but I might not have much success. I can usually forget most of the previous day, but some things I still retain in the following days. When things are so hurtful it feels like they cut through to my soul, I don't forget those. Eventually I think I do though.

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Post by Naughty Kitty » 26 Jan 2022, 04:59

Oh gosh I'm sorry it's been so hard. You are very strong and kind to be there for your mom like that. I'm sorry your step-dad is being so cruel I will think of you and your mother and hope that things improve for both of you. *hug*

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Post by Emotive » 26 Jan 2022, 11:05

Naughty Kitty wrote:
26 Jan 2022, 04:59
Oh gosh I'm sorry it's been so hard. You are very strong and kind to be there for your mom like that. I'm sorry your step-dad is being so cruel I will think of you and your mother and hope that things improve for both of you. *hug*
Mom's ok I think. I don't think he'd do anything to upset her, at least on purpose. But depriving me of sleep shortly after I fall asleep by making a loud noise on purpose or yelling at me from the stairwell is finally just getting to be too much. He's unrecognizeable to me, I never would've thought the man I grew up with thinking of as my father would be so underhanded as he's been recently, and all because of bad dream clouding his judgement. I mean, it's ridiculous, it's not even a legitimate reason to be doing what he's doing. Though there's no good reason to be doing what he's doing, but still.

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Post by Naughty Kitty » 26 Jan 2022, 15:45

*hugs* Imma sorries again Emotive I hope somehow things will work out okays I wish there was more I could say or do to help.

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Post by Emotive » 26 Jan 2022, 18:09

Naughty Kitty wrote:
26 Jan 2022, 15:45
*hugs* Imma sorries again Emotive I hope somehow things will work out okays I wish there was more I could say or do to help.
There isn't, but talking does help. Things are not improving though, it seem like things are actually consistently getting worse. :sweatdrop:

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