"We should duel sometime." - Joey Wheeler (Emotive's ALJ)

[Emotive]

Paranoia is infecting my thoughts again. It keeps happening a little earlier than the days before, but I really am losing my endurance for when it does. I don't know what I'll do, ranting and raving seems to be all I'll end up almost inevitably doing. Although I did actually yell pretty loud today, for a number of hours... I thought I heard mom talking to police upstairs, but I hear a lot of things that can actually be chalked up to convincing hallucinations, so my perception and senses are not the most reliable when it comes to what I think I hear going on upstairs from downstairs. Historically the mistakes I've made thinking what I've heard actually happened didn't really add up to anything, just purely hallucinations.

[Emotive]

Listening to Three Days Grace tonight. I'll be listening to more Apartment 26 songs though to see if I like more than Basic Breakdown and Backwards.

[Emotive]

Worse ways to spend an evening.

Yeah, that's true. But the music I listen to seems to make my moods worse whenever I get in that sour kind of buzzkill mood, so I should really try to listen to stuff like U2 or maybe even Fireflight. I love both of those bands so much it's crazy, but then again it could be argued that I'm crazy for many different reasons. lol

How have you been?

[Emotive]

Can't complain, who'd listen. Yourself?

I've been better. But, apparently I've also been a lot worse. There were a few times last week or the weekend where I really lost it and kind of got a little too loud. I could've sworn mom and dad were saying things, but they were outside. I kept hearing the door so that was actually confusing. I'm better today though, but not great. What do you mean by who'd listen though?

[Emotive]

Figure of speech. Glad your feeling a bit better today.

Sorry, I'm unfortunately not quick to catch on. I miss a lot of things that should be obvious too, which I really don't know why that is. I wish it wasn't that way though... but we can only do so much with the hands we're dealt I guess. I was better at the beginning of the day, but it doesn't take long for paranoia to seep into my thoughts.

[Emotive]

Wondering what I should do next... go to sleep for the night... don't know. Maybe play games, maybe watch something, maybe not... honestly I don't feel like doing much of anything.

[Emotive]

Just have a chill evening then.

I've been kind of just sitting here watching tv actually with mom. lol I'm more relaxed than I was, that's for sure.

[Emotive]

Relaxed is good glad to hear it's been going well.

Thanks.

[Emotive]

Also started up my Static-X/Wayne Static playlist in YouTube Music. The first album of his I ever heard and owned was Shadow Zone, but it had some part of a song censored, which I never really knew until my step-brother pointed it out at some point. I'm not sure why though... it didn't say it was censored on the album anywhere. Anyways, just saying I'm listening to my Static-X/Wayne Static playlist. I've always loved his music, even after he passed away it's been music to listen to for practically every situation I find myself in.

[Emotive]

Nice, music is good for the soul purr.

Yeah it is.

Speaking of, I've been getting into a band from my childhood lately that I loved to listen to. Limp Bizkit was awesome when I first heard their stuff, and even now after all this time I still think they sound awesome. Nostalgia to the max.

[Emotive]

Incidentally though, I couldn't sleep so I'm playing Fist of the North Star: Ken's Rage. lol

[Emotive]

Oh nice. How are you liking it?

It's fun. I've almost got the Platinum Trophy for it too. It's a great game to vent with. lol I don't know if venting is helping or doing more harm than good though... I mean, I could ask but I don't know if anyone would be able to really tell.

[GraceMellody]

Ooh congrats on platinum!

[Emotive]

Congrats on the trophy and certainly good for venting lol. Glad your enjoying it then.

Thanks. Although I still need to get the 4 or 6 Trophies to get the Platinum. But it's closer than I used to be.

Ooh congrats on platinum!

I didn't get it yet, just really close. The games that need multiplayer to get Platinum though (like Xenoverse) I'll never be able to get Platinum in though. But, I still need to finish Raoh's Legenda nd Dream modes, Kenshiro's, and Toki's, then I'll have the Platinum. But it's really close.

[Emotive]

Oh ok. By the way, did you ever finish schooling?

Regrettably, I didn't. For many reasons... I just kind of fell through the cracks, plus nobody wanted me at the school I was going to, according to the principal at the time.

thats so cruel to say

Thought I'd reply in here.

Actually, her exact words were that I "wasn't welcome here" at the school, but to me it's what it felt like after hearing that. I'm guessing the principal was a woman because that's what mom told me. If she'd told me at the time I really would've come apart, my misanthropy was bad enough back then without hearing that, so she told me in my adult life. That really seems like something a principal just shouldn't say, no matter how difficult a student is. I mean, I thought they were held to a higher standard.