"We should duel sometime." - Joey Wheeler (Emotive's ALJ)

[Emotive]

Thinking about watching some more Outlaw Star, although I might have to re-watch the first episode again. But I gotta say, I have fond memories of watching it. I definitely don't remember as much as I think I do though, especially when it comes to anime. lol

[Emotive]

Pixabay also has royalty-free music that I'm sifting through right now. I've been looking for what kind of music I could add to my PS4 shares that I upload to my YouTube channel, but so far Royalty-Free music fits the bill of freely being able to use it without paying for it without getting a copright strike towards your channel. Just for anyone looking to use free music in their videos. I upload them to SHAREfactoy though, which there's tutorials online that you could find to do. You'd need either a USB stick or portable hard drive though. I use a portable hard drive, but it is possible to upload music to the PS4's SHAREfactory.

Anyway, I need to wake up earlier tomorrow to watch more Outlaw Star. I think I messed up the controller charging cord for my PS4's controller though. Long story short, the cord got squished behind a door of a heater that looks like an old-fashioned stove. I'm afraid of stressing myself out to find out. lol

[Emotive]

Going to finish watching Clockwork Girl. Interesting movie, but the cg reminds me of Reboot on Toonami when it was still on weekdays. Be back after though.

[Emotive]

This selective mutism is such a pain. When I want to say something, I can't because I kind of just shut down. I hate when this happens. I can type, but it's like I suddenly lose any will to physically talk. It's always happened ever since I was a little kid too from the stories mom tells me about when I was little. I try to say something but I'm keeping myself from speaking up I guess. It's one of the more frustrating problems I've never solved.

[Emotive]

Another day, another night, pain, heartache, and wishing I was still asleep. Y'know, if I could sleep forever that'd be perfect. Just nothing but dreaming. I think I have a habit unintentionally making people worry about me. I wish I was someone else a lot of the time. And tonight's one of those times. If I didn't know what a bad combination me and drinking would be, I'd want to get drunk. lol Sometimes I think it'd be easier on everyone if I was just normal.

[Emotive]

Well, apparently I don't even have to do anything for people in this house to get pissed off. wtf. Know what, I didn't do shit, I know I didn't do shit, so whatever it is isn't my fault. Jesus. Whatever, people are going to get pissed no matter what apparently. I'm tired of dealing with people getting pissed off, it's fucking exhausting. And it's not like I can just move either, that's not remotely feasible. So, just... whatever.

[Emotive]

I think I'm just about done. We'll see what happens, but I just feel like giving up. The shit I've heard in whispers, whether or not they're hallucinations might be debatable, but I've gota feeling it's actual whispers and they're using my auditory hallucinations to try to cover it. After what I've been hearing it wouldn't surprise me. So, the question in my head is a serious one, but only one I can answer to myself. Anyway, time for dinner. Be back afterwords.

[Emotive]

Just listening to some of the older Mushroomhead songs I used to listen to in high school. Vicarious screaming and lyrics that always got through to my very soul, the song "One More Day" one in particular:

[Emotive]

Might be dark before I can get the trash can again. Not sure if I'll have to take the flashlight or it'll be bright enough. I mean, last time the moon was out before they picked up our trash from the bin. lol Hopefully it won't be the case today. I don't feel like being outside when we have mountain lions and bears. Luckily we've never dealt with the former before though, never had to as far as I can recall. But the bears are obnoxious and apparently not afraid of humans. So, nothing we do scares them off anymore. That's frustrating. Luckily no bears have gotten into out trash since dad built a kind of fence around it.

And then something's going on, like a joke I'm not aware of. I mean, criticism can be tolerated, but when parents think you can't hear them but you can there's something kind of insulting about that. But my mind just works in difficult ways that make it hard for people to love me really, or at times it does anyway. I'm not just putting words to it, that's actually what one of my parents said. "You make it difficult to love you sometimes" and I know it was probably because she was mad, but things like that stick with me. My mind holds on to things longer than most, and takes almost everything personally. So, I don't really know how to convey that without it blowing up into a huge argument somehow. Always does.

Well, on the bright side I might catch up on Outlaw Star today.

[Emotive]

Haven't listened to Papa Roach in a while. Makes me remember how much I used to love that band. I never knew the first lead singer died though, it sounded like the same person, so I felt bad when I found that out. This song kind of makes me think of the current situation I'm in, at least in part.

[Emotive]

Man, I really just don't know what to even do anymore. I don't do anything, someone's mad at me for some reason. I do something, someone gets mad. Like, what the hell do I do? Not insured so can't get psychiatrist help. Don't know what to do I guess. I use my headphones and they think I'm mad. wtf? So... I just don't know what the answer is I guess. Funy how this turned into my venting thread. lol

[Emotive]

These are screenshots of my Xenoverse 1 character: I think I've called him Cryosion or Cryosive but I can't remember which, I know I've used both as a name for my character at some point.

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Here's a kewl screenshot I got from DMC3: Special Edition from the PS4 HD Collection.

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And the DMC4: Special Edition screenshot I got when viewing the scene where Nero resurrects the Yamato and scares the crap out of Agnus. lol I use this one as a cover for my PS4 account's picture. That picture in the topmost part of someone's account profile that you see that kind of fades into whatever selected color on the bottom the person chose. This is the one I use for that. Or I did, I don't think I changed it.

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[Emotive]

I'm surprised that I haven't felt like playing games recently. I still need to start episode 5 of Outlaw Star too. I guess I'm kind of just in limbo with my thoughts. A lot of whispering though gets me to feeling like not doing anything really quick too.

[Emotive]

I'll be heading to bed soon. Already took the sleep aid, so won't be long before going to sleep for the night.

[Emotive]

I've been kind of waiting to fall asleep, but after this show is when we'll go to bed. So, I hope this sleep aid works and I get tired soon. Because right now I'm kind of perked up. Fingers crossed I guess, I'm not about to willingly stay up all night by myself, that's never historically a good idea for me to do. With someone is ok, but by myself, I start getting kind of crazy. Anywayz, we'll see. G'night though. Stay safe.