[CL] Some poems and junk

[Mykalwane]

Doth death don delicious decadents
Moth merrily munching on descendants
Broth of sins that living hold dependents
Cloth ever spun in hopes of independents

I don't know how you did the first two lines but that is pretty cool.

[Jigglypuff]

Threw the winds of the mind
Litter lost ideas, left to time
Oh the flutter moment unwind
Doth the wind, sound snide

A door birth thine
never to be kind
A whisper to opine

Ever to bine
Dreams ever benign
ever to sigh

never with a why
truth never aline
lies intertwine
reality repine

I think there might be some typing errors in this poem. I think in the first line, you mean "through", not "threw". The latter is the passive form of 'throwing something', whereas the first means "through something". I'm also not sure if 'litter' is the correct word? Litter does have multiple meanings, including trash that is scattered around, but using it this way is grammatically a bit strange. "A door birth thine" also seems a bit weird - door births yours? Is this what you meant?

Could you maybe write the same poem out in more common words? I understand you're trying hard to have everything rhyme, but I think your poem is a bit baffling in a way that you probably do not mean. Extensive vocabulary is great, but it should enhance the reading experience, not hinder it.

[Marjorie Haukea Williams]

Reading though some of your linked poems, they are quite technical, the language used.
It's a refreshing way to write if you can pull it off, which you have done!

Looking forward to seeing more from you!

[PharaohAtem]

Doth death don delicious decadents
Moth merrily munching on descendants
Broth of sins that living hold dependents
Cloth ever spun in hopes of independents

I don't know how you did the first two lines but that is pretty cool.

[Mykalwane]

I think there might be some typing errors in this poem. I think in the first line, you mean "through", not "threw". The latter is the passive form of 'throwing something', whereas the first means "through something". I'm also not sure if 'litter' is the correct word? Litter does have multiple meanings, including trash that is scattered around, but using it this way is grammatically a bit strange. "A door birth thine" also seems a bit weird - door births yours? Is this what you meant?

Could you maybe write the same poem out in more common words? I understand you're trying hard to have everything rhyme, but I think your poem is a bit baffling in a way that you probably do not mean. Extensive vocabulary is great, but it should enhance the reading experience, not hinder it.

pk
this was three months ago I wrote it and forgot about it. So will guess

Threw the winds of the mind

Past tense of travel of movement threw the environment of the mind


Litter lost ideas, left to time

Trash items in the form of ideas that have been left behind to take the the wear and tear from time

Oh the flutter moment unwind

The movement of wind that allows for a feeling of release

Doth the wind, sound snide
The wind in particular sounds insulting

A door birth thine
It opens forth a new thought via this thing

never to be kind
The birth thought may be new but never is nice.

A whisper to opine
It gives a small amount of an opinion

Ever to bine
That is tied to you for while

Dreams ever benign
Even if the opinion is positive it is still benign

ever to sigh
Gives relife anyway

never with a why
though it never makes any sense or has a why

truth never aline
it is never happen to be true

lies intertwine
never happens to lie either

reality repine
Gives a reason for reality express discontent

Its mostly about thoughts seen on a lazy day where you staying in bed watching dust threw the sunbeams. I guess. Since it never makes sense why. Then having that bounce and forth threw rhymes.

Reading though some of your linked poems, they are quite technical, the language used.
It's a refreshing way to write if you can pull it off, which you have done!

Looking forward to seeing more from you!

Eh most are rhymes for the sake of rhyming. The first post is the table of contents. Though if you want to see more feel free to quote the thing you like and give comments on it. People critizing my stuff is the most encouraging.

I don't know how you did the first two lines but that is pretty cool.

Well the first line started what does death don, is it delcious is it delightful? So nice that up. Doth death don delcious decadants? Had a nice bouncing of ds. Next was ok what rhymes with Doth and decadents. I think the next Moth and descendants. Which set up the rest of the second sentance how to connect the two. The rest was along same idea. I don't think it works well enough other then a short poem.

[Jigglypuff]

Threw the winds of the mind

Past tense of travel of movement threw the environment of the mind

Then it should be 'through'. That word has no past tense - it is created by the other words in the sentence.

'go through' (third-person singular simple present goes through, present participle going through, simple past went through, past participle gone through)

Litter lost ideas, left to time

Trash items in the form of ideas that have been left behind to take the the wear and tear from time

I think "litter of lost ideas" would be the correct form here.

Oh the flutter moment unwind

The movement of wind that allows for a feeling of release

'Fluttering moment' would seem grammatically more correct.

Doth the wind, sound snide

The wind in particular sounds insulting

This is fine.

A door birth thine

It opens forth a new thought via this thing

Then this doesn't work. 'thine' Thine means either:

archaic form of yours; the thing or things belonging to or associated with thee.
"his spirit will take courage from thine"

or

form of thy used before a vowel.
"inquire into thine own heart"

I am unsure how to suggest you rework this line. x.x 'thine' does not relate to what you wanted to write in any way, so really, you'd need to find a new word for the rhyme.

never to be kind
The birth thought may be new but never is nice.

Ok, I see what you mean.

A whisper to opine
It gives a small amount of an opinion

"A whispered opine" would work better. Now it sounds like you are whispering to an opinion.

Ever to bine
That is tied to you for while

"bind" is the word meaning "to tie". Bine means "A long, flexible stem of a climbing plant, especially the hop.".

lies intertwine
never happens to lie either

This line is fine grammatically, but it doesn't mean what you meant. 'intertwine' means that the lies get mixed with something.

reality repine
Gives a reason for reality express discontent

I think "repines" would be the correct form here, then.

Eh most are rhymes for the sake of rhyming.

This might work if you made your poem feel more like random thoughts. I think what's tripping it up now are the incorrect words scattered here and there, and the fact that the poem does feel like it is supposed to all be connected, but it is not. You can have lines that are disconnected from each other, but each line has to make sense on it's own if you do that. With some rework, I'm sure you could make this happen.

Well the first line started what does death don, is it delcious is it delightful? So nice that up. Doth death don delcious decadants? Had a nice bouncing of ds. Next was ok what rhymes with Doth and decadents. I think the next Moth and descendants. Which set up the rest of the second sentance how to connect the two. The rest was along same idea. I don't think it works well enough other then a short poem.

You can make it work, it's just that you have to come up with your own inner logic for the poem and stick with it. When you create your own rules and adhere to them, you can make even a long piece work brilliantly. You should definately give it a go!

[Mykalwane]

yes sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't that what occurs when you write to keep on writing.

[Mykalwane]

tapestry unfold tall tails of folks
invoke the mind of simple yolks

absently read give meaning unintended
fend away chastity in blasphemy bed

Fantasy allegory without reality
hyperbole chastity erase abnormality

remove beauty for depravity
irrationally remove sexuality
for the nuclear family.

Tear away the homosexuality
Tear away the bisexuality
Tear away the asexuality

factual remove till sanctified
disassemble reality till satisfied

thread of the tapestry it once was
give wonder to why the faux pas

Great poem, I’m horrible when making poems that have anything that rhymes in it.

I wouldn't know where to start with writing poems so I'm very impressed by this, great work I love reading this over and over

I really like this but I struggle to put into words my thoughts, the main things i like are your use of wording and the flow of the poem is really strong.

[PharaohAtem]

Great poem, I’m horrible when making poems that have anything that rhymes in it.

[Mykalwane]

When you are struggling with a rhyme google rhymes with x. This whole poem started with tapestry unfold tall tails of folks and yolks rhymes with folks. Next thing was thinking what rhymes with tapestry. You can tell I had trouble with finding a rhyme for chasity by me rhyming chasity with chasity. There is alot of similar beats with ity to hide that so it sounds a bit more natural.

[PharaohAtem]

Alright thanks for the advice I'll have to try that out and see what happens. Like they say you never know until you try.

[Mykalwane]

Backstory for DnD character Fist harback

backstory I am gonna tell people is Fist mother own Father who was an orc slave,
he died protecting Fist when they got rid of the body. Fist was included because
they thought she was dead too. She took the father's wooden holy symbol of Kord and
Gauntlets jouney forth.

A roughish man name Steer Dust help her train to be a fighter while making a bit of coin off her.
Eventuall thought she needed to travel forth on her own once she was a decent enough
to journey the land to find new things to punch. Maybe one day hopefully punch a god in the face.

for the gm only
the mother has many people working for her both bought slaves and those she has enchanted into
serveratude by enthralling them with a spell that every action done for the mother gives them physical pleasure .

so trapped in this loop of obediance in order to get people worship to good god
about since she doesn't kill them just control them,Raising Fist in the way to
obey does so with combination of this and a dinning bell. Cutesy as the mother wishes,
with only moments of sanity. The father orc who is the mother's concubine teaches Fist to
help fight it back with the aid of the father's gauntlet by Fist tapping the middle of her
hand with her middle finger.

The father orc who is the mother's concubine teaches Fist to help fight it back with the
aid of the father's gauntlet by Fist tapping the middle of her hand with her middle finger.
now at some point seeming able to fight the thrull of the mother the father and Fist try to
escape seeing them attempt this the mother kills the father thinking she had killed Fist
along with the father.

Her slaves take the bodies and get rid of them, unknown that Fist had only been knocked
unconcious. toss far away from where the mother lived awoken next to her dead father.
taken with her the wooden holy symbol of Kord that help inspired the father to fight
back to save the daughter.

Fist took to the lands doing her best, it wasn't till a rougish man named Steer Dust
help turn Fist into a decent fighter while making a good bit off of Fist in the process.
Though it best to take the principles of Kord that help her so far to
maybe one day punch a God in the face

[Sdbillustrations]

tapestry unfold tall tails of folks
invoke the mind of simple yolks

absently read give meaning unintended
fend away chastity in blasphemy bed

Fantasy allegory without reality
hyperbole chastity erase abnormality

remove beauty for depravity
irrationally remove sexuality
for the nuclear family.

Tear away the homosexuality
Tear away the bisexuality
Tear away the asexuality

factual remove till sanctified
disassemble reality till satisfied

thread of the tapestry it once was
give wonder to why the faux pas

I wouldn't know where to start with writing poems so I'm very impressed by this, great work I love reading this over and over

I really like this but I struggle to put into words my thoughts, the main things i like are your use of wording and the flow of the poem is really strong.

[Mykalwane]

Well break it down to the simplest parts. What about this did you enjoy?

[Mykalwane]

Myths and lies
heart do bines

Birth in a pith
Slew for a monolith

Worlds that been bogart
Shadows that depart.