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melanch0lic
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Post by melanch0lic » 07 Apr 2021, 14:00

So it's abut time that I created and maintained a journal on here seeing as everyone else has one - mine will be the same except not quite as exciting unfortunately! There may be paragraph after paragraph which you'll have to read through, otherwise I will TL;DR the post for you guys :3

But yeah, as a lot of people know, I manage a Subway franchise in the Wolverhampton area... or I would be, providing I could get the hours I need - with the pandemic, I am still quite surprised that my job has lasted this long with the lack of footfall in the shop as usual, but the less hours I'm given the less optimistic I become about my future there D: Which, however, is the reason I've started training as a trainee Recovery Coach for people with substances abuse issues (the reason may or may not be revealed as to why I want this as my career) which I'm -really- enjoying so far, and I've always said that if I can change just one person's life positively then my purpose on Earth is done, I can die happy then c: I know it sounds dramatic, but working towards my ideal career feels good!

Then there's the issue of my mental health... up until 2 days ago, I was living on less than 2 hours of sleep a night which seriously affects my judgement with pretty much anything and everything so my sincere apologies to those who I upset recently when I had a bit of a breakdown - can safely say that won't happen again as I have a new psychiatric nurse who seems to be very nice and is looking after me well, allowing me to live a relatively-normal life (apart from when I meet new people, still so so difficult for me D:)!

I'll update this accordingly as now I'm currently busy chain-smoking cigarettes and drinking tea with honey (which is the best, btw~!) :3 Love you all <33!
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Post by melanch0lic » 07 Apr 2021, 15:06



I really am obsessed with CHVRCHES right now, perfect cleaning music...
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Post by Momogari » 07 Apr 2021, 22:34

Sleep is good for you.

Smoking is not.

I'm here in case you need any obvious announcements.
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Post by melanch0lic » 07 Apr 2021, 22:52

Momogari wrote:
07 Apr 2021, 22:34
Sleep is good for you.

Smoking is not.

I'm here in case you need any obvious announcements.
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i appreciate the concern @Momogari but what about if i smoke in my sleep? that would mean me not knowing how much nicotine i'm ingesting, thus making the abstinence process that much harder... More obvious announcements are needed as I have a feeling that you're full of useful quotes and such, post 'em whenever you can :3 -headpatting intensifies-
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Post by melanch0lic » 07 Apr 2021, 23:31

I can't sleep for now so I'm once again giving my apartment a deep clean as I'm beginning to love the smell of bleach, the freshness it gives off really gets rid of the wet dog smell coming from my pupper but I'm planning on giving him a shower on Sunday, I've even bought beef-flavoured shampoo for the occasion - he's going to love it whether he likes it or not! I'm considering taking him for a midnight walk, but the area I reside in isn't the nicest and a lot of crime occurs at this time of a night so if I'm not resting by 1am (t's 12:29am now!) I'm going to take him out, he loves a long walk at night with me as it gives me so much time and clarity to think about stuff in my life and such, ahhh... if only I could achieve that feeling indoors whilst cleaning or whatever, but my mind works in weird ways especially when compared to those considered 'normal' X3

TL;DR: not sleeping so going to walk my dog, nothing exciting whatsoever D:



here's one that's motivating me to clean, loving the Lucky Star sampling throughout this song!
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Post by melanch0lic » 08 Apr 2021, 08:25

So I didn't get any sleep last night/this morning, it's really draining me so I'm glad that I don't have to work today (I work around 6 days a week so my days off are precious!) - all I'm doing now is looking for a new series to watch whilst chain-smoking joints in the hope that I'll pass out on my keyboard! as for the weed, from Monday (next week) i am taking a tolerance break for 2 weeks (approx.) as I'm spending far too much money (£60/70 every 2 days D:) and I'm not getting as high as I'd like but that's not due to low quality bud, all the weed I buy and smoke is often imported from Holland or wherever, I don't ask often but my plug's always has 2 or 3 different flavours every day so the tolerance break is going to be somewhat difficult as the guy lives literally next door to me and often rings my doorbell so he can sell to me without me even asking... idk, life is weird! >_>

TL;DR - no sleep, lots of weed, tolerance break, positive changes etc :3
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Post by melanch0lic » 08 Apr 2021, 20:31

So I didn't get any sleep last night (literally none) and now I feel exhausted, yet my thoughts are racing at 100 miles per hour still - that's bi-polar for you! I'm still feeling generally good! I'm hoping I can sleep for longer than 5 hours tonight, fingers crossed :x
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Post by GraceMellody » 09 Apr 2021, 05:57

Hopefully you can get some good rest soon
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Post by purple dragon » 12 Apr 2021, 04:15

i hope u dont mind if i say hi lolz

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Post by melanch0lic » 14 Apr 2021, 22:42

GraceMellody wrote:
09 Apr 2021, 05:57
Hopefully you can get some good rest soon

I did and now I'm well-rested and full of pasta and cheese, so that's something positive! :3

purple dragon wrote:
12 Apr 2021, 04:15
i hope u dont mind if i say hi lolz

Of course I don't mind, you should message me more often purple dragon-chan, i think you're lovely secretly (but don't tell anyone X3)!

As for me, life has been pretty decent recently despite the blip I had previously with my mental health - past that now though, so now I'm feeling somewhat... normal, whatever normal is! To all those reading this, what would you define as being 'normal' mentally and/or physically? I can't define it properly as it's such a broad subject to discuss, but that's the only way I can define my current sate-of-mind atm - 'normal' <3 I'm still training to become a Recovery Coach, going to move my job from Subway to this Recovery Centre in town (for people with alcohol or drug addictions, I'm not an addict but I want to help those who genuinely want to change!) so I can feel more fulfilled in life, and if I can change just 1 person's life then my purpose in life has been completed, so fingers crossed this all goes well for me as I want to make an impact to society and those around me, in a good way of course! That's why I always tell people on here to just message me whenever they need someone to talk to, or just to vent - I'm good at listening to others, maybe not so good at giving advice but I'll try, hopefully I can make just one person (who is reading this right now) happy, something I'll do no matter what it takes... ^^;

Also you know those situations that happen which surprise you in the best way possible? I spent hours talking to someone from here on Discord and it was lovely as I hadn't really spoken to this person before, but now I feel as if I've got to know them a little, I mean I don't use Discord much but now I've got even more reason to log on now! Life, carry on giving me these positive things and I'll repay you by sacrificing this glass of milk I'm drinking - DO IT >:

I love you all, remember that AL! <3 <3
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Post by Lolin » 15 Apr 2021, 01:27

Smoking is bad but it's cool

Sleeping is good but it's lame

DO YOU WANT TO BE COOL OR LAME
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Post by PharaohAtem » 15 Apr 2021, 01:30

I know how it is with lack of sleep, always gotta try no matter what to get more sleep
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Post by purple dragon » 15 Apr 2021, 02:20

melanch0lic wrote:
14 Apr 2021, 22:42
GraceMellody wrote:
09 Apr 2021, 05:57
Hopefully you can get some good rest soon

I did and now I'm well-rested and full of pasta and cheese, so that's something positive! :3

purple dragon wrote:
12 Apr 2021, 04:15
i hope u dont mind if i say hi lolz

Of course I don't mind, you should message me more often purple dragon-chan, i think you're lovely secretly (but don't tell anyone X3)!

As for me, life has been pretty decent recently despite the blip I had previously with my mental health - past that now though, so now I'm feeling somewhat... normal, whatever normal is! To all those reading this, what would you define as being 'normal' mentally and/or physically? I can't define it properly as it's such a broad subject to discuss, but that's the only way I can define my current sate-of-mind atm - 'normal' <3 I'm still training to become a Recovery Coach, going to move my job from Subway to this Recovery Centre in town (for people with alcohol or drug addictions, I'm not an addict but I want to help those who genuinely want to change!) so I can feel more fulfilled in life, and if I can change just 1 person's life then my purpose in life has been completed, so fingers crossed this all goes well for me as I want to make an impact to society and those around me, in a good way of course! That's why I always tell people on here to just message me whenever they need someone to talk to, or just to vent - I'm good at listening to others, maybe not so good at giving advice but I'll try, hopefully I can make just one person (who is reading this right now) happy, something I'll do no matter what it takes... ^^;

Also you know those situations that happen which surprise you in the best way possible? I spent hours talking to someone from here on Discord and it was lovely as I hadn't really spoken to this person before, but now I feel as if I've got to know them a little, I mean I don't use Discord much but now I've got even more reason to log on now! Life, carry on giving me these positive things and I'll repay you by sacrificing this glass of milk I'm drinking - DO IT >:

I love you all, remember that AL! <3 <3

tks and im glad ur fealing better

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Post by melanch0lic » 15 Apr 2021, 20:15

purple dragon wrote:
15 Apr 2021, 02:20
tks and im glad ur fealing better

You don't to thank me! in fact it is people like yourself who i should be thanking, you deserve it and then some so PM me sometimes @purple dragon, you're fun and easy to talk to tbh :3

Anyways you know those days where everything that can go wrong does? Yeah, that X3 Firstly I spilled my morning coffee all over myself which then covered an open pack of cigs (there was 19 left), something that lead onto being late for work as I couldn't go in dressed in clothes covered with tea THEH I missed the bus to get me to work (they're 2 an hour, so I had to wait 30 minutes UGH), all leading to me coming home just to discover that my dawg (as much as I love him) had eaten the entirety of the food left for the cat in his bowl so I had to raise my voice to him (I never hit my dog, ever) which always makes me guilty af ;__;

Since getting back, I've had nothing to do and no-one to see, which does get awfully lonely, especially when the people you talk to of a night time never seem to remember to reply in the morning, so coming back home from work and seeing no messages from my favourite people (you know who you are! :3) was a little disheartening... but, tomorrow is a going to be a new, better day! I don't have to work so I plan on cycling to somewhere or anywhere close by just to get some peace out of my apartment, as well as that mental clarity you gain after being confined to one small room for as long as I have... Fingers crossed once again that I get some sleep (and therefore motivation) so I have the get-up-and-go to cycle in the morning - if I can't sleep then I'm writing a very stern letter to whoever is responsible >: Nah I kid, I will probably sleep less than 4 hours but I've learned to adapt to that - easily one of the most difficult things to do is adapting to insomnia; I can't stress how torturous -real- sleep deprivation is, by that I mean those who only get 0 to 2 hours know how the little things (like going grocery shopping) can seem much, much more of an effort after a few nights of deprivation as well so there's that!

But to end on a positive, I'm starting another course towards my career tomorrow - something to do with the acquisition of skills to perform Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with those in need, another quality I need to develop before I become a Recovery Coach! But, when it's about a subject you're passionate about the work you have to put in doesn't really feel like work, which I love! :3

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Post by purple dragon » 15 Apr 2021, 22:10

melanch0lic wrote:
15 Apr 2021, 20:15
purple dragon wrote:
15 Apr 2021, 02:20
tks and im glad ur fealing better

You don't to thank me! in fact it is people like yourself who i should be thanking, you deserve it and then some so PM me sometimes @purple dragon, you're fun and easy to talk to tbh :3

Anyways you know those days where everything that can go wrong does? Yeah, that X3 Firstly I spilled my morning coffee all over myself which then covered an open pack of cigs (there was 19 left), something that lead onto being late for work as I couldn't go in dressed in clothes covered with tea THEH I missed the bus to get me to work (they're 2 an hour, so I had to wait 30 minutes UGH), all leading to me coming home just to discover that my dawg (as much as I love him) had eaten the entirety of the food left for the cat in his bowl so I had to raise my voice to him (I never hit my dog, ever) which always makes me guilty af ;__;

Since getting back, I've had nothing to do and no-one to see, which does get awfully lonely, especially when the people you talk to of a night time never seem to remember to reply in the morning, so coming back home from work and seeing no messages from my favourite people (you know who you are! :3) was a little disheartening... but, tomorrow is a going to be a new, better day! I don't have to work so I plan on cycling to somewhere or anywhere close by just to get some peace out of my apartment, as well as that mental clarity you gain after being confined to one small room for as long as I have... Fingers crossed once again that I get some sleep (and therefore motivation) so I have the get-up-and-go to cycle in the morning - if I can't sleep then I'm writing a very stern letter to whoever is responsible >: Nah I kid, I will probably sleep less than 4 hours but I've learned to adapt to that - easily one of the most difficult things to do is adapting to insomnia; I can't stress how torturous -real- sleep deprivation is, by that I mean those who only get 0 to 2 hours know how the little things (like going grocery shopping) can seem much, much more of an effort after a few nights of deprivation as well so there's that!

But to end on a positive, I'm starting another course towards my career tomorrow - something to do with the acquisition of skills to perform Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with those in need, another quality I need to develop before I become a Recovery Coach! But, when it's about a subject you're passionate about the work you have to put in doesn't really feel like work, which I love! :3

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whatca been doing today and congrat on starting a new course

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