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welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 20 May 2020, 21:20
by softnlil
Let me start off by introducing myself. my name is grace, or gracie as called by my friends, and I'm a 22 year old girl from the south of bristol, uk. I'm an avid dancer and hiker and I also enjoy cosplaying, gaming and appreciating art of all forms. After reading through the ALJ rules and regulations, I have decided to start a journal of my life, the highs and lows, the happy, the frustration, the realness that is me. If you'd like to comment on my journal or add in your opinions and input, then please feel free to do so, but I'd super duper appreciate it if no long conversations between people would take place!
Lockdown.
It's currently 10pm on the 20th of May and we've only just reached 2 months of being on lockdown. 2 months of lax lockdown isn't bad compared to other countries like Spain and France where they're only just being allowed outside to exercise, but I have to admit, I didn't realise how bad my mental health was until this. Before anyone starts with the whole 'dOnT sElF dIaGnOsE yOuRsElF', I have been officially diagnosed with clinical depression of September last year after suffering for 11 long years of severe depression and anxiety. Before September, yes, I was 'self diagnosed' but if you saw me and the state I was constantly in, you'd realise that, yes, I was horribly depressed. As much as I know why we're currently in lockdown and the fact that we've done it to save millions of lives, I can't help but wonder how people with mental health are coping. If I'm struggling to cope on antidepressants, I really feel for those who aren't on medications that are struggling. The main thing I'm struggling with, like everyone else, is not being able to see my 3 nephews, my niece, my boyfriend and my newborn cousin who is already 5 weeks old. I genuinely can't wait to see them once this is all over but it's hard not being able to see them... especially my boyfriend. We got together officially on the 17th of March after being internet best friends for just under a year. That was the first time we had met face to face after previous plans had fallen through. The week after was when we went into lockdown. We've spent our entire relationship confined to our houses, making memories through discord everyday. We've taken it upon ourselves to sleep on call with each other every night since we're unable to do it IRL. The part that's getting to me, is that he's currently in his last year of uni and working through his diss, and I'm unable to help him or distract him with a picnic or an hour worth of gaming to enable him to destress. I'm doing a mix of second and third year, still with massive uncertainty about my cancelled exams, and i feel stressed. I can't imagine what he's going through right now.
As much I want lockdown to be over, I understand why we're doing it. I want to help protect those who would be most effected by staying inside. I just don't know how long my mental health will be able to take it :/
wow, that was depressing for my first post. oops. I hope that everyone is staying well and healthy! We can do this guys, just a little longer!
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 20 May 2020, 21:39
by Jas
Well, well. I've seen you around the boards and I'd like to officially welcome you.
That was quite an intro post. This pandemic has caught everyone off-guard and some moments have to pause ove and a period of months. I imagine it is difficult to have just transitioned to a physical (vice digital, not to imply anything sexual) relationship just to have to regress back to a digital one.
Just stick it out, one day at a time! That's all any of us can do.
Welcome to ALJ (and I'd look forward to you branching out into CL a little more).
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 21 May 2020, 22:12
by Teeny
Welcome to journals graciettie!
I agree that lockdown has been rough on mental health
One day at a time like Jas said is all we can really do.
Hopefully we can all reunite with our loved ones soon.
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 23 May 2020, 21:29
by unoduetre
Hello!
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 26 May 2020, 09:50
by Pixiedora
Welcome to Journals Gracie
I completely feel you on the missing family. That's been the most difficult part for me, but I can't imagine being away from my partner so i'm sorry you're having to go through that
It's not easy but we have to try and think of the positives (I've been struggling with this so know it's easy to say but harder in reality) but at least this is happening now when we have the technology to be able to video chat.
I hope you stay ok and we're all here if you ever need to chat
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 May 2020, 18:53
by Smileymaniak
*boops your snoot*
Hey Gracie! Nice to see you made a Journal!
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 May 2020, 20:48
by softnlil
hey guys, I didn't get notifs for this so my apologies! I will get to everyone's comments now but thank you for taking the time to read my first ALJ post <3
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 May 2020, 20:50
by softnlil
Jas wrote: ↑20 May 2020, 21:39
Well, well. I've seen you around the boards and I'd like to officially welcome you.
That was quite an intro post. This pandemic has caught everyone off-guard and some moments have to pause ove and a period of months. I imagine it is difficult to have just transitioned to a physical (vice digital, not to imply anything sexual) relationship just to have to regress back to a digital one.
Just stick it out, one day at a time! That's all any of us can do.
Welcome to ALJ (and I'd look forward to you branching out into CL a little more).
thank you for the welcome back!! :3
I'm glad we were put into lockdown because my mum is classed as a super high risk person, so I totally get and understand why we're doing it and tbh, I do think we should be in lockdown longer so we don't have a second, more serious wave! But it's one of those things where you're like 'I understand WHY we're doing it, I just wish I could do something else', y'know? If my mental health wasn't this bad then I know I could definitely stick it out a lot longer without that worry ^^
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 May 2020, 20:52
by softnlil
Teeny wrote: ↑21 May 2020, 22:12
Welcome to journals graciettie!
I agree that lockdown has been rough on mental health
One day at a time like Jas said is all we can really do.
Hopefully we can all reunite with our loved ones soon.
thank you!!! :3
Most definitely!! I genuinely can't wait to see my baby cousin and see how much he's grown already! My cousin has been sending me photos and he's already a long chunk xD can't wait to squish his little cheeks and give him a long hug, especially since I've been with her practically 24/7 during both of her pregnancies (her daughter was born 2 days after my 21st so that was an amazing 21st birthday present!!)
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 May 2020, 20:56
by softnlil
Pixiedora wrote: ↑26 May 2020, 09:50
Welcome to Journals Gracie
I completely feel you on the missing family. That's been the most difficult part for me, but I can't imagine being away from my partner so i'm sorry you're having to go through that
It's not easy but we have to try and think of the positives (I've been struggling with this so know it's easy to say but harder in reality) but at least this is happening now when we have the technology to be able to video chat.
I hope you stay ok and we're all here if you ever need to chat
thank you!!
and thank you :3 we've been spending every day together while we keep each other sane so even if he's not with me physically, I can still see him digitally whenever I want to xD I know he's feeling it too which makes me feel bad because I can't go to him to help D: and most definitely! I couldn't imagine what people had gone through with viruses like when the Spanish Influenza hit and no one could call/text/facetime their families and they were all apart
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 May 2020, 20:56
by softnlil
Smileymaniak wrote: ↑27 May 2020, 18:53
*boops your snoot*
Hey Gracie! Nice to see you made a Journal!
hehe thank you! I do love writing (more so stories than my own life) but the ALJs looked pretty interesting so I decided to give it a go ^^
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 May 2020, 21:33
by Smileymaniak
Can't wait to read some
Always enjoy a good story haha!
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 Aug 2020, 11:03
by softnlil
Thursday 27th August 2020
We've just passed 5 months of lockdown, and that means 5 months of being with my boyfriend. Although it's been mentally hard in terms of being apart and in general, we've both made it through this. Nights of sleeping on discord and trying to play games on our shitty internets have all been worth it. After being allowed to see people within 1 metre by the government, we've been seeing each other a lot more now. I've managed to meet his parents and I absolutely love them, I get on ridiculously well with his dad and he has some great banter oh my god xD 3 weeks today will mark out half a year anniversary... he's my first official boyfriend and with how I've been treated in the past, I kept overthinking and worrying about when he would eventually leave me, but alas, my mind can go fuck itself because he's definitely here to stay ;-; looking back at all of the small memories we've had over the past year of being friends and the past 5 months of being together, I couldn't wish for a better person in my life. I know people not to rely on people for your happiness, but he genuinely makes me a happier person. He's showed me how to love life and how to see the beauty in the little things that happen outside. He's brought light into my life that I never thought possible after years of severe severe depression and being treated like shit by someone who claimed to have loved and cared about me (yeah, he really didn't lmfao). I've never been one to keep up with a diary so writing about myself can be hard, but just know, that this past 6 months have really opened my eyes to how I'm supposed to be treated, and how having love reciprocated feels. And I'll say now, it feels fucking great, especially when it's by the person you see your future with.
Although I now start uni in about 4/5 weeks since I've had my unconfirmed resit results back... we're going online for about a month before my head of course sees about letting us back for our diss practicals, although how that'll work I don't know. But hey! this means that I can finally buy the parts for my pc and build it! MY boyfriend and I have made plans to start streaming again on my twitch channel for a bit of fun and shits and giggles on the evenings so we can let of steam ^^ so I actually can't wait to do that! I've been getting bad into Dead by Daylight again since my boyfriend upgraded his pc and let me play DBD on it while he played on the ps4 (we main DBD on there xD) so I know now that I can at least play it decently on the pc for streams xD
Anyway, that's been my life since May, nothing interesting had really gone on since then but hey, I'm a hermit crab and I love staying at home and watching movies so all is well here! I just can't wait until I can see my boyfriend and best friend with my whole chest and be twats again like we used to :3
welcome to my little corner [graciettie]
Posted: 27 Aug 2020, 11:12
by MakiChan
Congrats on the 5 months!
I love DBD too, although I've not been on it for a good few months >.>"
Good to hear that you're doing well though! I've been seeing my friends a bit more lately after not seeing anyone for like 5 months but I'm like you, I stay at home and play XBOX when I finish work pretty much everyday lol