The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

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DaddyCool
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 26 May 2021, 22:25

Log 655

Anyone fancy a Dadalorian Tshirt? Wife made me one and she's wants to try selling a few.
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 24 Jun 2021, 21:56

Log 656

Good news: Being a day dad is easy and they want me to be a shift supervisor at work.

Bad news: We've got two covid cases at work amongst 14 staff.
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by PharaohAtem » 01 Jul 2021, 18:16

just wanted to come in and visit and say hi. :=D:
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 01 Dec 2021, 22:40

Log 657

I've been away for a bit hoping to be on more often now and try an go to some cons with kids next year.
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 01 Dec 2021, 22:41

Log 658

So the new Gamesmaster reboot on E4 apart from Trevor McDonald and Grado it's awful!
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 06 Jan 2022, 22:29

Log 659

So I was left unsupervised in a Doctor Who Facebook group and this happened.......

The following story was inspired by comments about the writing and persona of the Doctor on a Dr Who facebook group - WARNING: Contains satire! NSFW

REGENERATION AN A PINT THE NEET WI THE LADS.

Astrourbos System - Geome year 67890 by the new dating.

Seventh year of the Coromasian Insurgency.

Planet Josta-9. Freefro Section.

27.

The dalek swivelled its manipulator arm and attempted to back off, but the little being moved with it, her arms arounds its shell.

'YOU. HAVE. BEEN. I-DENTIFIED! YOU ARE THE DOC-TORRRR. YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF THE DALEKS!'

'Took you long enough.' Her voice sounded high pitched and squeeky.

'MOVE AWAY. MOVE AWAY. MOVE AWAYYYYY!' the dalek shrilled.

The 27th Doctor removed her sonic from the front pocket of her white apron, and clenched her chubby blue fingers around it. 'Scan this.'

The dalek continued to back off, with the Doctor's short blue arms around its torso.

'ASSISTAAAANCE. ASSSISTAAAANCE! THE DOC-TORRRR IS BELOW VISUAL RANGE!'

27 grinned. She hadn't always liked being three foot tall, but it came in handy sometimes. 'This is my sonic ... my updated sonic. You see, your lot found a way round the old one, oh ... 15 regenerations ago! Executioner daleks, time loop, storage ... It's all up here. Oh you can't see me pointing to my head, but that's what I'm doing.' Actually she wasn't - the Doctor was too busy clinging with one hand and pressing the sonic against the dalek's casing with the other to actually point it towards her mass of long blonde curls.

'DALEK RE-IN-FORCE-MENTS ARE SUMMONED!'

She smiled again. 'Ah but they'll be too late. 15 regenerations and every time I update my sonic, you daleks find a way round it, except ... now I'm small enough to get under your guard, and press my latest mini me size sonic right up against your system access port and ... BADABOOM! That's the sound of your life support shutting down!'

'HELP ME! HELLLPPP MEEEEEE.'

27's lips curled. 'I don't help your lot anymore. Not since ... well, you know the saying - "a woman scorned" - and I've been a woman 15 regenerations. I've been black, gay, disabled, trans, asian ... I was once a rock lady.'

'And now you're a smurf!'

The doctor whirled round, leaping away from the dying dalek. 'Is that you, Bob?'

The face of her most hated enemy appeared on a large screen. 'Cease your insufferable witterings. I am your MASTER!'

27's blue lips parted in their widest grin yet. 'I told you a long time ago, I wasn't calling you that anymore ... Bob. Even when you regenerate and stop looking like Bob Monkhouse!'

The Bob Monkhouse Master scowled. 'You are as aware as I am, Doctor that once we pass our 20th regeneration, our new forms are chosen subconsciously, and since we have both been exposed to interminable Earth pop culture references over millenia ...'

'I'm Smurfette and you're a 20th/21st century variety show entertainer!'

The Master laughed. 'And I wonder what you'll be next time ... Doctor!'

'Your cybermen, your angels, the chumblies even and these daleks ... all failed to kill me. I escaped your trap, Bob, so we won't find out for a long time.'

He sniggered. 'Is that so, Doctor? And perhaps you believe your companion is safely back at the Tardis?'

27 looked up at the screen. 'Ryan is back at the Tardis! He must be ... I promised him I'd get him back home safe to his wife and kids in Gloucester!*'

*The Ryan of the 27th doctor is a different Ryan from the one who ran with Doctor 13. Many viewers have complained because he is a straight, white man, and his presence could undermine the show's great record of diversity started with 13, and continued with the next seven showrunners. Some viewers however have liked what new showrunner JM Greenfield has done and think having a straight white male companion again is both quaint and overdue.

The screen switched to showing a bespectacled man of around 38 (generous ;-) to 52 years old) beyond a red electric field at the end of a nearby corridor.

'You can save him, Doctor ... but you must run the empaelo-gauntlet! You have 90 seconds until the field extends to encompass Ryan!' The Bob Monkhouse Master cackled with glee as the Doctor ran as fast as her small stubby, blue smurf legs would allow.

HOWAYYY!

The Doctor and Ryan stumbled towards the Tardis. Ryan carried her the last few fifty yards, with tears in his eyes.

'You saved me, Doctor! But all that energy that coursed through you ...'

They pushed through the door, where Ryan gently placed 27 on a couch that had extended from the wall (in the style of the first and second doctors - Twitfeed was abuzz with discussion from many who loved its return, but also many who hated it as retro fan wankery that hearkened back to the era of the patriarchal straight white male mysoginistic doctors - But a regeneration was coming and many still hoped the new showrunner would cast Dame Lolly Adefope).

As Ryan cradled her blonde curly hair, the Doctor looked up. 'I told you, my people don't die ... this won't be my end, but ... a new beginning. I quite fancy being a man again!'*

*The moment in transmission where the internet exploded!

Moments later Ryan stumbled backwards, arm up to protect against a huge enduring flash of bright light.

'Doctor! Doctor, are you there ...'

'Aye, pet, ahm areet the neet! Flamin eck, I'm a Geordie ... its aboot bloomin time, mon.'

Ryan squinted through the haze. 'You look a lot bigger too ... you're not blue anymore either.'

'Well garran, tell us what I am, pet. Mebbe ginger at last too. Aye an wi a voice like this ahm a bloke reet enough!'

'A big ... pink bloke ... Doctor ...'

'Aye?'

'You're not ginger, but ... feel your head!'

The Doctor's voice came out of the haze. 'Tusks! Ah've got tusks! Allus wanted me some tusks, man! Ryan, am I ... an elephant?'

Ryan gawped. 'You're not just an upright elephant, Doctor. You're pink and you have a neon glow!'

'Champion! Allus liked the inhabitant'a Tooskas-Five. Sorry ... Tuskas-Five. But that'll mean ...'

28 emerged into the light - he was well over seven feet tall and bright pink alright. The new male glowing neon pink elephant doctor was also ...'

'Naked! You're naked, Doctor!'

'Aye, man. Bust reet outta me little overalls. But looka here ... no bad.'

'You have two ... and they're ... enormous!'

The Doctor waved his trunk happily and swung his enormous phalluses ... two of them. 'Aye, fif'een regenerations wi'oot me tackle but ahm mekkin up ferrit, ahreet. Now go oop n fetch us some leopard skin speedos, a lime yellow t shirt'at sez "kiss me quick" and a paira leather cowboy boots. Tardis'll do ya the reet sizes!

Ryan was half appalled, but it was better than the new Doctor being nude. 'Is that your new outfit?'

'Just ferra neet, then we'll see.'

'A night? What night? What are we doing?'

28 grinned and waved his trunk from side to side. 'Ya's hoorda Ayanappa n Benidorm n Ibiza on Earth, reet? Well oot hyar, thar's Grondalea, chock fulla alien types whar you'n me woont stand out, mon.'

'You want to go clubbing?'

'Aye, pet. Ah drink til ahm shite faced noo. Time ta party hearty all the neet.'

'Um, ok, but what about the Master and getting me home?'

The Doctor laughed. 'Ahd drink that pansy unner the teeble, mon. Now getcha arse movin' we're havin a neet off n getting hammered.'

Ryan nodded. 'Um ... sure. I'll get you your clothes.'

***

And at that moment when the credits rolled and the audience realised that the 28th Doctor was the voice of Tim Healy and a CGI Pink two dicked elephant man ... social media went wild!

Calls to cancel JM Greenfield started immediately, but when the numbers came in ... viewing figures had gone up, as hordes returned to watch a drunken pink Geordie elephant doctor do his thing!

The End ... After six seasons!
May I never be complete.
May I never be content.
May I never be perfect.

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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 29 Jan 2022, 19:16

Log 660

So the HBO Peacemaker intro may be one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 24 Feb 2022, 18:42

Naughty Kitty wrote:
30 Jan 2022, 09:57
Oh, how come Daddy? :)

Im ok just busy so haven't been on here much. You doing ok?
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The Occasional Rantings Of My Slow Slide Into Middle Age V: The Final Snu Snu

Post by DaddyCool » 24 Feb 2022, 18:44

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Log 661

Meanwhile in Asia while the invasion kicks off.....
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