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    1. #1
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      [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Over the years I've written many poems, and you can probably tell the ones that are more recent because they get gradually better. I've roamed around my various writing accounts on places like PoemOfQuotes (where my username is "summersilence" if you are on there and want to add me) to bring together all my past poems to put in here for you to see.

      ---

      Angel In Hell
        Spoiler:  
      I am falling on broken wings
      heading towards an endless hell
      soft, silent, music sings
      Goodbye my dears, I wish you well.

      I am soaring down-away
      leaving for that missing face
      I have no reason left to stay
      my baby, gone without a trace.

      I tried to fall on broken wings
      to head towards that hell
      but there was just one little thing
      you knew me far too well.

      You stopped me soaring down-away
      and replaced the missing face
      now I have a reason to stay
      loneliness gone without a trace.

      You saved me from my cold fate
      and now my soul ill gladly sell
      you helped stop my fall from grace

      My sweet angel in hell.


      ---

      She Sits Alone (alt title: Loneliness)
        Spoiler:  
      She sits alone
      crying inside
      afraid to show
      the pain she hides

      She sits alone
      broken and lost
      she'll never cry out
      for fear of the cost

      She sits alone
      scared and scarred
      wondering why
      her life is so hard

      She sits alone
      wasting away
      staring so blankly
      all the words she can't say

      She sits alone
      feeling so worthless
      she wants to be loved
      And thinks that it's hopeless

      If you were alone
      empty and hollow
      how could you cope
      who would you follow?

      If you were alone
      sad and haunted
      would you really care
      how much you were taunted?

      If you were alone
      pained with distress
      how would you know
      how much life you had left?

      If you were alone
      what would you do?
      For in this situation
      there is nothing but gloom

      Now she still sits alone;
      but she will not give in
      because now she knows
      They have faith in her,
      Something to believe in.

      You're not alone,
      Not really.
      Don't give up.


      ---

      Roses are red redux
        Spoiler:  
      "Roses are red
      violets are blue
      sugar is sweet
      and so are you"

      I have a heart
      and so do you
      I can show mine
      but why can't you?

      I know you're the darkness
      and I am the light,
      but why are we like this?
      Why must we fight?

      Each day when i look to you,
      See horror in your eyes.
      Fills me with sorrow,
      Lost your disguise.

      You use me at your will,
      And I follow blindly
      Forever your puppet,
      You kill me kindly.

      One day we'll stop this
      One day this ends
      I won't be your slave
      never again.


      ---

      How Would You (alt title: Echo)
        Spoiler:  
      How would you like it?
      if everyday you awoke
      you would wake to nothing
      nothing but darkness.

      How would you like it?
      if every time you came home
      you would come back to nothing
      nothing but pain.

      How would you like it?
      If every time you slept
      you would feel nothing
      nothing but despair.

      How would you like it?
      If every time you had a dream
      you would dream of nothing
      nothing but emptiness.

      How would you like it?
      If every time you cried
      you would receive nothing
      nothing but insults.

      How would you like it?
      If every time you smiled
      you would smile about nothing
      nothing but lies.

      How would you like it?
      If every time you thought
      you would think of nothing
      nothing but a memory.

      How would you like it?
      If every time you met someone
      you would feel nothing
      nothing but jealousy.

      How would you like it?
      If every time you laughed
      you would laugh for nothing
      nothing but sorrow.

      How would you like it?
      If you had to be me
      you would be nothing
      nothing but an echo.


      ---

      Baby Steps
        Spoiler:  
      I cried out for you the day you left.
      You could never understand how I felt then.
      I shed many, bitter tears for you.

      That day I awoke to find you missing
      My mind filled with an overwhelming sorrow,
      a numbness that took me over.

      I found it so hard to breathe my dear
      You took everything away, emptiness inside.
      That was all that remained of my heart.

      It was a pain I could never feel completely
      And yet it would not fade away.
      A wound so deep it was untouchable.

      My soul longed for you, as it still does.
      you could never be replaced in my mind
      yet I know you will never return.

      Now you know how depressed I feel.
      I was a cracked mirror, just waiting to break.
      It was hard to hold the pieces together.

      So now I am dying on the inside
      now that my heart has shut down forever
      now that you have abandoned me.

      Now I'm alone once more.
      Its hard for me to adjust without you,
      the first weeks slowly drag on...

      The first steps are always the hardest.


      ---

      I'm Okay (alt title: Denial)
        Spoiler:  
      Months.
      Each day passes slow but sure,
      Certain to go on, life stops for no one
      Time pauses for nothing.
      I am no exception.

      For a moment I wish it would end,
      The pain, the fear, the emptiness.
      But it won't.

      Frozen.
      Always so cold, my soul like ice.
      Breathing snowflakes from the grave,
      Proof that heaven is a lie.
      I'm already dead inside.

      Thoughts that poison from the inside out.
      Make it stop, make it go away, end it.
      But I can't.

      Haunting.
      Shivers that run through me,
      Please rid me of these memories.
      I don't want to remember
      I don't want to forget.

      The only hope which drives me forward
      She doesn't care, never did, wont come back.
      But she will.

      Escape.
      This twisted remedy for my regret,
      Blood blooms its flowers on flesh.
      Cold metal against skin.
      Pain i can believe in.

      So consuming is the welcomed loneliness.
      I'm just numb, hollow, shattered pieces.
      But I'm okay.

      Believe me, I'm okay...


      ---

      Waiting (Hoping, Changing, Seeing.)
        Spoiler:  
      Waiting for you
      Hoping you'll return
      Changing your mind
      Seeing you were wrong.

      Waiting for some kind of sign
      Hoping you still care
      Changing how I think of you
      Seeing my past mistakes.

      Waiting behind a blank mask
      Hoping she'll save me soon
      Changing what I feel inside
      Seeing how she's hurt me so.

      Waiting forever, so slowly it seems
      Hoping together we can forget
      Changing the future of our lives
      Seeing its never really over.

      Waiting on the other side
      Hoping this wont be the last time
      Changing how our story ends
      Seeing it's all been pretend

      And even though you've
      turned your back on us,
      I'll still keep on

      Waiting
      Hoping
      Changing
      Seeing

      For you, and only you. My love.


      ---

      Always.
        Spoiler:  
      Truth be told I'm a wreck, but I can't let you see that.
      Want to scream I miss you, but I can't.
      Truth be told I adore you, but that isn't what you want to hear.
      Let me tell you... I still love you.

      Inside I'm dying, praying that one day you'll open your eyes.
      Open your heart and realise it was all a mistake.
      Inside I'm crying, broken and remaining confused,
      Trapped... I did nothing.

      Playing a game, with my heart as the dice.
      That cruel little smile says it all.
      Playing a game, not caring about the the price,
      Your killing me... and so I fall.

      Sick as it is, I still want you my dear.
      Many would hate you, not me.
      Sick as it is, I keep hanging on to you.
      I'm your doormat... your doll.

      I dont understand why this had to happen,
      I never changed who I was.
      I dont understand why you stopped loving me the same.
      My heart never stopped loving... even for a second.

      Mistakes were made, but I didn't see them,
      Blind to the cracks that we made.
      Mistakes were made, but they can be forgiven,
      And so... I keep hoping.

      I'm so sorry if you think I smothered you, clung to you.
      My way of caring, it proved too much.
      I'm so sorry that I wasn't what you expected, what you wanted.
      But believe me... I can change.

      So here we are as friends, talking still but not the same,
      And im faking this smile, you're to blame.
      So here we are as friends, but you cant see,
      I'm hiding pain... hiding the truth.

      Well,

      truth be told I'm a wreck, but I can't let you see that.
      Want to scream I miss you, but I can't.
      Truth be told I adore you, but that isn't what you want to hear.
      Please, I beg you listen... I still love you.

      And I always will.


      ---

      An Apology.

        Spoiler:  
      I just wanted to tell you...

      "I'm sorry"
      Thats something I seem to say too much,
      something I wish I didnt have to say at all,
      but something that must be said all the same.
      So here it is; my apology...

      I know that sometimes I dont make sense,
      I ramble and complain about nothing,
      and I say things I know I shouldnt,
      things that I regret saying afterwards.

      I know that I can be difficult,
      complicated and highly emotional,
      and I expect you to put up with it all,
      expect you to understand.

      I know that I can be extremely harsh,
      mean and evil and horrible and selfish,
      ignoring that I might be hurting you,
      making you hate me.

      I know I focus only on my own pain,
      ignorant, blind and deaf to your troubles too,
      troubles which are certain to be worse,
      compared to my tiny squabbles.

      And as you can tell from the above verses,
      the word 'I' is used far more than it should.

      My eyes have opened wide,
      to the self-centred being that Ive become,
      and now Im hoping youll forgive me

      Know only that I did not mean any of it,
      that we can work through this together,
      and you can guide my broken soul,
      to help me save ourselves.

      Know only that I love you with all my heart,
      that youre the walls which hold me,
      stopping me from crumbling,
      all that I am.

      Know only that I do indeed truly care about you,
      about every thought and feeling you may hold,
      each thing you hold dear is important to me in turn,
      all that makes you, you.

      Know only that I would do anything at all to fix this,
      for us to be happy together like we once were,
      a love stronger than the force of gravity,
      thats what we ought to be.

      Know only that this poem is nothing but the truth,
      every single word written comes from my soul,
      so this is the very best apology I can give,
      the only way I can express myself

      I hope you understand, my love.
      This probably didnt make much sense either,
      but thats just who I am, the messed up girl that you adore.


      ---

      Long Distance Summer.
        Spoiler:  
      A million broken pieces
      that suddenly fall in place,
      time stands still,
      hearts race.

      A million hours of emptiness,
      filled at last,
      smiles shine,
      forget the past.

      Our days seem to zoom away
      horribly fast,
      dont think,
      make it last.

      Our days seem to blur
      together as one,
      its alright,
      just have fun.

      The sun stretches out to greet us
      for the days ahead,
      excitement and love,
      the colour red.

      The sun stretches out to meet us
      with its shiny rays,
      hold on tight,
      the last few days.

      Memories must remain
      as time runs out,
      good moods gone,
      i want to shout.

      Memories must remain
      when we say goodbye,
      we must be brave,
      try not to cry.

      For many, summer is the end of the school year
      but for us, its just the beginning.


      ---

      A Lost Land.
        Spoiler:  
      Grey are the skies, the clouds which fill them
      cold and unfeeling is the ground below
      Our only sun, a lightning flash
      pride remains alone

      Empty are these lands, animals have fled
      desolate and lonely but still we live
      Not a sound, silence so echoing
      yet we struggle on

      Gone are our hearts, this old graveyard
      this land can no longer be home
      A king so dark, black is his heart
      I cant stay here

      Lost are my thoughts, wandering onward
      help for a life past saving
      It's too late, already over
      we wont give up

      Cruel are the ghosts, haunting from the past
      life and death in just a single blur
      Confusion is rife, blame is thrown
      he is our hope

      Sweet are our dreams, friendship to love
      a shadow lost and now found
      Responsibility, a lot to take
      but he will save our land.


      ---

      My Comatose Heart.
        Spoiler:  
      "I Love You"
      What did you say?
      It seems such a trivial thing.
      I heard, but have no answer.
      What exactly is love anyway?

      Simply a mixture of hormones,
      that's what science says.
      All facts and figures,
      I was never one for science.

      Merely a swell of emotions.
      A growing feeling,
      deep within the heart.
      But what heart have I?
      Is there anything in this chest,
      beneath the ribs encasing?

      I ponder it a little more.
      Love, how would I define it?
      The closest thing I have
      is you, my light.

      Laughter, it rings through me now.
      A hollow sound, void of life,
      But full of bitterness.
      Confused, conflicted.
      Do I 'love' you?

      It's been a long time old friend,
      so old, the feeling is new.
      Bound by denial and regret.
      Why am I doing this?

      Don't look at me like that,
      So softly, understanding.
      It kills me inside,
      breaks down the walls.
      So I fall a little more.

      Why you of all people?
      I needed you.
      Maybe this is why…
      Am I as helpless as that?

      That's not what this is about,
      who is better than whom?
      It shouldn't be so hard.
      Admitting the truth,
      I've lied for too long.

      A frown, deep and sinister.
      Why do you do this to me?
      Bring out all the feeling,
      I wanted to forget.

      Maybe. Just maybe,
      I love you too.
      Yes. I said it.
      Happy now?

      You and only you.
      Bring out the best in me,
      as I bring out the worst in you.
      Two halves of one whole.

      They don't know it,
      behind closed doors
      It's funny how
      you seem the Yami,
      and I the Hikari.

      The roles are reversed.
      I save you from yourself,
      and you tear me down.

      Love's funny like that, isn't it?


      ---

      Okay that's all for now. Just a note that some of these are personal where as some are based from things: Angel In Hell was inspired by Twilight, Lost Land was inspired by The Lion King, Roses Are Red and Comatose Heart were inspired by YuGiOh.

      Winter out for now xx
      Last edited by DitsyNya; 02-07-2013 at 08:30 PM.
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


    2. #2
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Damn, Winter! You have quite a collection here. Hope it's okay if I critique them one at a time. I'll start with the first.

      Angel In Hell is a lovely poem. The opening stanza is quite powerful as the reader is thrown into this angel's fall. Though, instead of 'on broken wings' might it be better to say 'with broken wings' since I assume her wings do not work, which is why she is soaring downward? Also, I really enjoyed the alliteration in line 3. 'S' is an especially fun letter to use because it mimics a hissing sound so it fits well as the angel descends through the sky.

      Second stanza continues the rhythm nicely. Second line, I didn't really understand. Then again, it's poetry. But I had no idea what to make of it because the wording is kind of funky until I continued reading. Anyways, the last line 'my baby, gone without a trace' I feel as if there is supposed to be another pause between gone and without a trace. Like a comma or '...' should do the trick.

      Third stanza, mid poem. We see the story coming together now. The angel is close to hell, but someone just might save her. This gives the reader hope and prompts them to wonder where such a journey might lead, causing them to anticipate what will happen. It is a good set up for reaching the climax.

      Fourth stanza, the missing face is replaced. When you returned to this concept, I was able to understand it better, but I still think it could have been worded differently in its previous use to avoid the confusion. Could just be me, though... Again, it was nice to see the angel's loneliness subsided. I can appreciate a happy ending.

      Last stanza, fate and grace do not adhear to the rhymes scheme. An easy fix, if you ask me. And in the third line, I read it as 'ill' but I'm pretty sure you meant 'I'll' ...also an easy fix! The same line could use some punctuation as in commas to emphasize the pauses I am feeling around the word 'now'.

      Overall, it is a nice poem. I'm glad you shared it with us! I am looking forward to reading the rest. Oh, and welcome to L&W! Nice to see you posting in here :3

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    3. #3
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      The ill and I'll thing is actually just a mistake from where I copied/pasted it from my PoemOfQuotes account ^^ the punctuation for some reason always came up as little square symbols when I pasted it.

      For the poem itself-

      "Though, instead of 'on broken wings' might it be better to say 'with broken wings' since I assume her wings do not work, which is why she is soaring downward?"

      Actually the falling on broken wings thing is supposed to be a metaphor for jumping from a cliff, trying to commit suicide. I mentioned a little right at the bottom of this post that the Angel In Hell poem is loosely based from Twilight. In this case Esme, who lost her baby in childbirth when she was still human. Thus the line "my baby gone without a trace".

      Thank you for the critique on this poem, though it is a few years old. I'll work on the Fate and Grace thing fitting with the flow of the poem, but I will mention that some of my poems seem to have little to no rhyming scheme at all. I just dont feel like every stanza has to rhyme or fit, and in fact if a line stands out in a poem that can be good for emphasis. But that's just me ^^;;

      Thanks again, it's nice to be here and I hope you will read/critique some of my other poems too though they are not nearly as tame nor as happy as Angel In Hell, but I hope you'll enjoy them none the less!
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


    4. #4
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Quote Originally Posted by Stiletto Kitty View Post
      All the others were varying degrees of mind blowing awesome. And that's a general statement that could apply to them all. I just focused on the one because it was the one that resonated with me most.
      Awwe thank you so much!!! ;') it's just something I do when im having a really bad/depressed day so im glad that something good at least comes from it. I'm glad you like my Roses Are Red rendition, its one of my shortest and simplest poems, but I think that gives it character because its more to the point.
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


    5. #5
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      I just read the one Reine quoted and was very impressed, for all the reasons she's mentioned. It is a beautiful poem, Winter. Very lovely, indeed!

      Perhaps when we right poems full of emotion, they tend to stand out that much more.

      Anyways, this was my favorite stanza:

      "I have a heart
      and so do you
      I can show mine
      but why can't you?"

      4 lines, each with 4 words, yet so jam packed with meaning... Clear and concise, just like the rest of this poem. Well done!

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    6. #6
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Thank you Ioreth!! <3 a lot of my others are long and ramlbly XD i think this one is good in its shortness.
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


    7. #7
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Quote Originally Posted by Stiletto Kitty View Post
      My Comatose Heart needs some tweaking.
      how exactly would you say it needs tweaking? ^^;; just so i know what to do.

      I should mention that none of these are recent. My last one was actually Comatose Heart and that was written I think... *checks* o.o well accroding to my FF account it was posted on 24th Jan 2012. So a year ago.

      I havent written anything in a year ;__;
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


    8. #8
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Time to get back into the swing of things! Write on, my friend :3

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    9. #9
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Uhm okay??? and lol Ioreth i'll try ^^ the mood just hasnt been right to write lol
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Well the 'light' as a pet name cant really be changed since, it was from a characters point of veiw and my other options were "hikari" which is already used or "landlord" which just doesnt fit the tone of the poem.

      Other than that, I love the changes you made, so thank you!!

      as for

      "Why you of all people?
      I needed you.
      Maybe this is why…
      Am I as helpless as that?

      That's not what this is about, (first two lines. consider removing them and merging the rest of the stanza with the previous one)
      who is better than whom?
      It shouldn't be so hard.
      Admitting the truth,
      I've lied for too long."


      how about this:

      Why you of all people?
      I needed you.
      Am I as helpless as that?
      It shouldn't be hard,
      admitting the truth
      But i've lied for too long.

      i have know idea i dont even... yeah i need to practise this stuff again XD
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


    11. #11
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Yeah ^^ thanks for your help!

      SO.... ive been trying to jot down some stuff in my notebook XD ill let you guys know how it turns out!
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Angel In Hell

      I am falling on broken wings
      heading towards an endless hell
      soft, silent, music sings
      Goodbye my dears, I wish you well.

      I am soaring down-away
      leaving for that missing face
      I have no reason left to stay
      my baby, gone without a trace.

      I tried to fall on broken wings
      to head towards that hell
      but there was just one little thing
      you knew me far too well.

      You stopped me soaring down-away
      and replaced the missing face
      now I have a reason to stay
      loneliness gone without a trace.

      You saved me from my cold fate
      and now my soul ill gladly sell
      you helped stop my fall from grace

      My sweet angel in hell.
      Wow. This is awesome. I really like the line about soft, silent music singing, it's a really nice sentiment and it's so appropriate. When I read the first bit I thought it was going to be really sad, but it actually levels off at the end, and has quite a nice ending to it. I appreciate that, it's difficult to do with such a short medium, a complete emotional 180 but you pulled it off. Keep up the good work

      She sits alone
      crying inside
      afraid to show
      the pain she hides

      She sits alone
      broken and lost
      she'll never cry out
      for fear of the cost

      She sits alone
      scared and scarred
      wondering why
      her life is so hard

      She sits alone
      wasting away
      staring so blankly
      all the words she can't say

      She sits alone
      feeling so worthless
      she wants to be loved
      And thinks that it's hopeless

      If you were alone
      empty and hollow
      how could you cope
      who would you follow?

      If you were alone
      sad and haunted
      would you really care
      how much you were taunted?

      If you were alone
      pained with distress
      how would you know
      how much life you had left?

      If you were alone
      what would you do?
      For in this situation
      there is nothing but gloom

      Now she still sits alone;
      but she will not give in
      because now she knows
      They have faith in her,
      Something to believe in.

      You're not alone,
      Not really.
      Don't give up.
      This is really heartfelt. I loved it, especially the ending. It gives off hope, which following the words that went before it manage to do exactly what the first poem in this thread do and do a sudden 180 of emotions. My favourite part is this, I can imagine it being used in a movie trailer or something:


      If you were alone
      empty and hollow
      how could you cope
      who would you follow?

      Great work once again. I look forward to reading and critiquing the rest

      Quote Originally Posted by Melmo View Post
      So Drifty broke his bed and Jed is electrocuting everyone. Business as usual then. Carry on!

    13. #13
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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Hey Winter,
      I want to say something about everything you've written but... there's soo many things to say and I pretty much would be saying how much I loved them all ^_^
      Shadow: It's your fault Lexy. You pull the crazyout of the sane.





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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Thank you Jeddy!! wow ive got a lot of good comments about Angel In Hell. as for She Sits Alone, that poem is actually about me... more or less. And I have a habit of making my poems both happy and sad in a weird way but im glad you like it!

      Thanks also Cuppy!
      RIN HOSHIZORA of the Crazy League μ's group


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      Re: [CL][P] Winter's Poetry Collection

      Angel In Hell
        Spoiler:  
      Quote Originally Posted by Winter Echostar View Post

      ---

      Angel In Hell

      I am falling on broken wings
      heading towards an endless hell
      soft, silent, music sings
      Goodbye my dears, I wish you well.

      I am soaring down-away
      leaving for that missing face
      I have no reason left to stay
      my baby, gone without a trace.

      I tried to fall on broken wings
      to head towards that hell
      but there was just one little thing
      you knew me far too well.

      You stopped me soaring down-away
      and replaced the missing face
      now I have a reason to stay
      loneliness gone without a trace.

      You saved me from my cold fate
      and now my soul ill gladly sell
      you helped stop my fall from grace

      My sweet angel in hell.

      ---


      She Sits Alone (alt title: Loneliness)
        Spoiler:  
      Quote Originally Posted by Winter Echostar View Post
      ---

      She Sits Alone (alt title: Loneliness)

      She sits alone
      crying inside
      afraid to show
      the pain she hides

      She sits alone
      broken and lost
      she'll never cry out
      for fear of the cost

      She sits alone
      scared and scarred
      wondering why
      her life is so hard

      She sits alone
      wasting away
      staring so blankly
      all the words she can't say

      She sits alone
      feeling so worthless
      she wants to be loved
      And thinks that it's hopeless

      If you were alone
      empty and hollow
      how could you cope
      who would you follow?

      If you were alone
      sad and haunted
      would you really care
      how much you were taunted?

      If you were alone
      pained with distress
      how would you know
      how much life you had left?

      If you were alone
      what would you do?
      For in this situation
      there is nothing but gloom

      Now she still sits alone;
      but she will not give in
      because now she knows
      They have faith in her,
      Something to believe in.

      You're not alone,
      Not really.
      Don't give up.

      ---


      I definitely read these two, but I'll have to reread these and comment again to tell you my thoughts and observations. In the mean time, think you could put spoilers around each of your poems so it doesn't take forever to scroll? x_X Just a suggestion not a must.

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