From Black and White to Color
Its strange how seeing the world in color can make me feel as though I have been blind by black an white for too long its like I have woken up from a nightmare and now found the world I was searching for. Depression has faded away and I feel again I feel human I see all the colors and the world seems so beautiful I feel alive and all I want to do is hold onto this moment because I don't know when that same depression will come back and hold me hostage back in that dark void. I look outside and see the colors of green, yellow, purple, orange, pink, red and my senses become full of wonder and my soul feels rejuvenated. I look at the world with curious grey blue eyes hoping to stay this way wanting nothing more than to keep hold of my feelings to keep hold of my humanity. Depression takes all of my humanity away strips away all the color the feelings makes me numb to everything I become a robot living but no longer alive can last hours, days, weeks, months I never know how long I will be left in the void trapped within the center of it. Happiness is brief its like a butterfly its fly's around me and gives me so much joy and makes me want to do everything I can to live an achieve my dreams but then it suddenly fly's away and leaves me alone without those which it gave me and I am left in the dark wondering how it got to this point. Why? I ask my self why did happiness an hope abandon me when I needed it most when everything was going well when I was finally starting to get back on my feet it slips through my fingers. My anxiety I call the monster still allows me to feel everything and I become overwhelmed it puts me through hell stops me from achieving anything. When anxiety holds me in its arms and whispers bittersweet lies and negative emotions I soak it all in after all the fighting and protesting in the end I give in and I become silent. I want to reach out an touch what is real to me to reassure my self that i kept hold of my sanity but I can not anxiety holds me arms and hands tightly telling me to let it all go. I become lost in so many thoughts so many feelings and it hurts I am lying still eyes open wide unable to speak unable to move. When I feel my eyes fill with tears and I cry silently all the pain coming out with them it hurts I cant take it I want it all to stop I tell my self no I have to feel this way to get through it but the depression takes it all away from me. Depression sneaks up to me behind held by anxiety and wraps its arms around me too tells me it will get rid of the pain the hurt my suffering so depression takes my feelings away from me picks them up and swallows them. Tells me not to worry I don't need to feel anything I will be numb but its alright I wont feel pain that I am better this way I am protected from all those thoughts and feelings. Anxiety questions depressions decision depression dismisses anxiety's question and they begin arguing and fighting for control while I lay there a shell of my self lost in the void. Its one extreme to the other feeling everything to feeling nothing an from feeling nothing to feeling everything no sense of balance I am constantly walking on the edge of both. So when I feel I have control it is bliss for short time I feel my self I do everything I can during this time to live but I know they will rise back up and take hold of me without me being able to stop them without me being able to explain whats happening to anyone so no-one will be able to help me. Right now I choose to stare at all the colors before me and take in all before me I stare at the blue clear sky hoping I can stay in this moment a bit longer. Please let me stay this way I keep asking my self if I can because right now I am happy a rare feeling and a rare moment I do not want to move from.
This is my latest Poetry
If you like it and want me to add some more on here I would be happy too
I also write poetry on Deviantart as well as other things I have on there
Hope you guys enjoy the read[/COLOR]
Last edited by Erine; 05-08-2018 at 04:37 PM.
Weather It shall rain or thunder maybe this is my curse, time to rest my eternal slumber.
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