Alcon Panto Auditions at Summer LAGC!

This time we're looking for the following roles:
  • The Comic Sidekick
  • Villian's Henchperson
  • People to meet along the way

For the first two, we have a couple of recommended audition pieces for you to use should you wish.
We'll want to know what character you want to play, as we'll be writing the script to work with the costumes people have available.

Comic Sidekick:

Comic Sidekick Audition Piece 1 (Source)
SIR WALTER WALTER THE THIRD: It is TIME, my Lord. What shall I do with the others? Shall I slay them? Much obliged. My Lord, may I ask you something? ĎTwas wondering if you would be so kind as to permit me to stop in the town of WhiffleBerry for some Burger King. Yes. (beat) Yes. (beat) Yes, my Lord. I would be honored to bring you back a WHOPPER. Chicken fingers, you say? Yes, my Lord. What about a coke? Diet? Sure thing. Is that all my Lord? Good day to you. I will kill the wrong doers and be off to Burger King! I bid you goodbye my Lord. (barely able to contain himself) HELL YEAH BOY!!!! (clears his throat) ĎScuse me my Lord, a tickle in mee throat.

Comic Sidekick Audition Piece 2 (Source)
MILO THE CAT is lounging in the sunshine, taking a very contented nap. His owner walks in and he raises his head sleepily.


Donít look at me like that. I can always tell when you humans are having a bad day. Like itís my fault for sleeping. Do I give you a hard time for only sleeping eight hours? Or for sleeping when you should be feeding me? No. So leave me alone.

(The owner walks over and pets Milo)

Well, I guess if youíre going to pet meÖ

(Nuzzles the hand of the owner, who then pets him near the tail. His whole backside automatically lifts)

Noooooo--not the butt! Curse you, human, I was in such a comfortable pos--ooh, that does feel nice, though. All right, thatís good. Getting bored now. Okay. Okay. Okay, thatís enough.

(Bites the hand and then slinks off)

Man, itís like you donít know what youíre doing. Petting is not about you, sir, you hairless pink popsicle. Now bring me food! Hey! Food, I tell you! Not that dry garbage, bring me something wet that makes the whole house smell like tuna!

(Follows his master toward the kitchen, baffled when he doesnít get his way)

I cannot fathom the inane stupidity of humanity. Itís like they donít understand basic commands. Did I say to go get ice cream to stuff in your fat face? No. Itís like when I meow and you meow back at me--Iím trying to speak to you in a language you understand, not get you to try and repeat it! Iíve seen your kind do the same nonsense babbling repetition with babies. Maybe you donít understand how communication works. If you did, maybe youíd get that I want to be petted on the head but not picked up or touched on the belly. Itís not like itís that hard to remember.

Morons. Iím surrounded by morons. Sometimes itís almost like you think youíre in charge or something.

Comic Sidekick Audition Piece 3 (Source)
A bit less comic!

Sometimes when Iím all alone I walk up to the looking-glass and talk to the other Alice. Sheís so silly, that Alice; she canít do anything by herself. She just mocks me all the time. When I laugh, she laughs; when I point my finger at her, she points her finger at me; and when I stick my tongue out at her she sticks her tongue out at me! Kitty has a twin too, havenít you darling?

(Alice goes to the mirror to show Kitty her twin.)

Donít you wish sometimes you could go into looking-glass house? See!

(Alice stands on an armchair and looks into the mirror)

Thereís the room you can see through the glass; itís just the same as our living-room here, only the things go the other way. I can see all of itóall but the bit just behind the fireplace. Oh! I do wish I could see that bit! I want so much to know if theyíve a fire there. You never can tell, you know, unless our fire smokes. Then smoke comes up in that room tooóbut that may be just to make it look as if they had a fireójust to pretend they had.

The books are something like our books,
only the words go the wrong way. Wonít there ever be any way of our getting through, Uncle?

Henchperson Audition Pieces

Henchperson Audition Piece 1 (Source)
I know exactly what you mean. People misconwhattionize me all the time.
Man, you accidentally knock down some pig's house with a sneeze and they start telling stories about you. And now there's this little girl and her red hood. Who knows what they'll say about this one.
I have self-a-team issues too.

Everyone is always going around saying "what a big nose you have" and "what big teeth you have." It hurts.

I just want to go away some place where I won't bother anyone.

They're always promising happy endings but where's my happy ending? All that happily ever after seems to be reserved for princesses and cute little animals. Especially bunnies. Why are rabbits always getting happy endings?

They're rodents, I tell you. Rodents!

Please only use the link for this one. The copyright set up by the individual states this can be used for auditions with no issue but that the text must be linked to. So while it is fine for me to send it too you if you publish the text of this instead of the link then we have copyright issues.

Henchman Audition Piece 2
Henchperson sees villain leave and stammers at their back as it exits the stage he turns to the audience and sighs.

Henchperson: It's a hard life being the second in command around here. Not even sure how I ended up here. I have a BA in art history and work experience in a coffee shop. My career adviser told me I should go into social work. Well I suppose being a pirate is a form of social work. You do tend to change things. Well stab things. Stab a lot of things with swords. The pay is good though most of the time. The dental plan not so much. I also have scurvy in my eye. Not sure how that happened. Pretty sure that is physically impossible but you know pirate.

I mean I have seen some interesting things. The singing bridge of the seven islands... before we burned it. Oh! I remember the crystal tower of starlight... well before we turned the cannons onto it. Yeah we really need to stop doing that. At least the cyborg monkey ninja vs pirate war seems for once to be going in our favour. Shame the pirate king lost his eye for the third time. Not sure how that is physically possible but then again pirates...

No please don't disembowel him... oh nevermind... no don't... blood is so much trouble to shift from the floor boards. I had better let the captain know. Captain! Captain!


Henchperson Audition Piece 3
Spirit of the ring enters tie lose, possible wine glass and potential lipstick on neck/ shirt collar.

S.O.T.R: So as I was saying I really love it when you... wait oh no. Really not now. I was having a really good time and yours is not the face I wanted to see old... I mean hi master how can I help you today.

Villain: How dare you disrespect me in such a manner I should pluck out your eyes for you insolence.

S.O.T.R: Yeah umm I would rather not. Had that happen twice in a row in the 12th century. I mean they pop back instantly but it is a ludicrously painful process. There is blood and veins and custard creams everywhere.

Villain: Silence you fool! I have brought you hear to discuss my villainous plan of villany!

S.O.T.R.: What? Seriously you don't need to be more generic anime or dare I say (Whispers) Disney like.

Villain: How dare you?!

S.O.T.R: I may be your servant but I am kind of infinitely powerful and infinitely BORED. Do you know what it is like to be a side character in a play? Do you?! Even worse to be self aware to the point where you can break the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th walls?!

Villain: What are you babbling about now?!

S.O.T.R: There is no need to get angry. Perhaps you would like a hug?

Villain: I am evil I do not hug.

S.O.T.R: You have never had a hug. Ah. Come on one tiny hug.

Villain: I have executed any and all who have tried to hug me.

S.O.T.R: Ah what's another death.

Goes and hugs villain who screams out and cries out in indignation.

For other roles:
Come along, tell us who you'd like to be, and show off what kind of portrayal you've got in store for our audience!

"But I Can't Act!"
If you want to help out in any other way, come along and have a chat with us. We're going to need a whole bunch of other help, from scenery and props to special effects.