Since I don't have an ALJ, I shall post blog entries. Blogs can be diaries as well. *shrug*
So why the fuck not.
Listening to: Why Are You Being Like This? by T-Ara (K-pop)
Thinking: I want to cuddle up with my Ben :/
This is just a thing that I do, to put my thoughts down and such. I don't expect replies to this, cause this is really for me to get everything out.
Anyways, it's 4 am.. and I can't sleep. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. It's going to be light out soon.. which won't be a first for me to stay up till. I do have work in the afternoon, 12 hours from now. I have to do laundry with our crappy apartment washer and dryer. $1, for washing and $1 for drying. Might even be $2, cause the last time I used this dryer it didn't dry my clothes right!
The past few weeks have been hectic, to say the least.. Arguments and fighting tends to take all the energy out of you. Especially crying. I miss home. Texas home. I miss my Mom and my friends down there. As much as I love being up here in Massachusetts, I just don't know anyone that well like I do back home. I know I will have to get to know people (Not like I'm not). I have been going to work outgoings and such, but there's only so much I can take hanging out with the people I work with. I can't really post a note like this on Facebook or anything, cause I have a lot of co-workers on my Facebook friends list. I always wonder what they think about me. I'm pretty quiet at work. I go there to do my job and get up and out of there whenever I can. I don't really talk to anyone there. I have hung out with a couple of girls there that actually want to hang out with me, but then again, they're usually working as well. I get 3 days off lately...and they get one, so it's hard to hang out with them sometimes, unless I want to hang out late at night.
At that point in time I just want to cuddle up with Ben when he gets home/ I get home.
That's all that I want to do most of the time, but sometimes it feels like I get pushed away. I understand you're tired from work, but don't take your stresses out on me. He hasn't done it this week, but it will happen again eventually. Our personalities are so similar it's deadly. It can work out, just.. need patience, and sometimes I just don't have the patience.
We have had our fights, but who knows how long till the next one. Yes, I know, it's not healthy. It's not what comes with a healthy relationship the way we fight.. a few days it's fine, then the next few it's just something that's set off and we fight/argue. I'm trying to get out more, it could just be that, that we're around each other too much. I mean I have been here for 5 months now, just want some me time. I want him, and he wants me.. but we're currently single.. I guess? We're not really anything at the moment. Just, friends that want to be together, and trying to build up that relationship again. I know it's only been two weeks or so since things happened, but it feels like it's happened ages ago. I think a trip back home is in order soon, before I go crazy.
I'm working a lot, or trying to... Trying to learn how to drive soon.. Permit and stuff hopefully soon! I'll get there. Also, trying to buy a car, since our current one is on the end of its rope. Leaning to cook more as well, experimenting with stuff as well. Gonna make tilapia tomorrow, probably, or pasta. Yum ~
And I'm trying to talk to old friends from AL as well. It's hard for me to talk to new people. New people tend to clash with me, cause I find them annoying, and then I find some flaw which ends up being more and more shit. I'm falling out with talking to someone. As much as I don't want that to happen, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere but downhill everytime I talk to them. Ah well.
What can you do right?
I know people find me hard to talk to as well, but *shrug*, if you can't talk to me, then don't. Don't try to get to know me. I've been backstabbed and talked about behind my back before, so it's hard for me to trust people.
I'm very protective of my loved ones.. maybe to the point of jealousy. That's just how I am. Can't accept it, then fuck off. :/
Ben turned 22 the 9th, and it made me realize that I've known him since we were 18 :/ It's pretty crazy how long I've been on this forum. To think I've been here for 7 years or so.. is pretty... .. yeahhh... So many things have happened since then. I'm just amazed that I'm living with him after our history. Yay history!
*rubs eyes* Getting tired.
I knew writing a blog would work! I'm sure I have more to say, but right now all I want is sleep
Maybe I'll draw when I wake up. Idk, something.
Ni Night and Good day to all.