Pro Vs Anti LunarTic's Submission [P]-[Vote!]

[Shadow]

Poll reopened for voting, please vote And give a reason you guys. ^^

[Stiletto Kitty]

I'm going to critique this now because it's been bothering me (holding in what I wanted to say for so long).

I read this and with some degree of confusion because of punctuation and grammar. I looked at the title of the thread, I knew what the event was, I started reading.

Stanza 1, line 1, 2, and 3. Line 1 gives us the 'set up'. There's at least one person walking down a street. The street is crowded with men and women. Are the men in woman arm in arm or is the main character arm in arm with someone? Line 3 tells us the main character isn't harboring any resentment. Should the main character resent being arm in arm with the person they're with or should they resent the fact that they don't have anyone on their arm? No matter how I interpreted it, I either became as lost as sperm trying to find the egg at line 4 or line 5. Line 4 gives the impression that the main character was walking down a street holding someone's arm/hand/whatever. Line 5 gives the impression that the main character just stumbled across someone physically attractive and they now want to become intimate with them.
Line 6 should've probably gone on to start a new stanza but it's fine I suppose. Line 7 begins to describe the 'chance' encounter between the main character andthis golden girl. Line 8 made me say 'what'. Is the main character going to meet the golden girl or someone else?

The second stanza didn't leave me wondering so much. But I'm not sure it was necessary. The third stanza was kind of necessary to somehow tie this whole thing back to your title. If you have to change something about it I'd want you to change the description you were trying to convey. Held up next to the first stanza it just really seemed to. be forced.

So I'd like for you to change the first stanza by using/altering the punctuation you use so the idea you were trying to get across gets across better.

You're walking a crowded
of couples arm in arm,
and no feelings of resentment
come to mind.

Or whatever. And that 4th line of your should either be axed or reworded. It's the line that stand out the most as something that you could do a way with.

[Shadow]

CeeCee, what did you rank the piece with? (Nice critique though?) xD

Also, More votes please, with reasons. Under Dogs:
@25thquarterking @Meltedredcandy @Shulk @Void Prince @vampirekitty1089 @BloodRoseAngel @Mouse. @piratemari @Endrak @Rin-Chan @NecromanticJester @[Snivy Baroque] @Capousky @redeyed @Gyati Tapang @HYUGA NELJI @Narnia @noirre @I Heart Chaos. @Marie Cutler @Goldenheart @Shriya Laxminarayan @Helena Sofia Ribeiro @Banshee56 @siax @Nine @Scott @Minkmagic @Nethack @BluOne @EchoesXi @Axion @RVictim87 @La Muerte @Avalon~ @AyameTaylor @Shrugs @Kakashi_Aisuryu @Kuroi Sakura @Kayaru @Ninarexo

Other participants who have yet to vote (possibly):
@JeeCay? @ManicZero @craigatron @DJ_Desolate @ImmortalJed @VaanDiablo @Fuzzi Kitty

[Nethack]

o_O I give a 5.

It is about love, BUT it seems to be more of a description on nerves on a first date, about how worried the guy is that he is going to mess everything up and how he is entranced by how hot he thinks the girl is......not really gunna get into it lol im more in a siggy making mood right now

[craigatron]

oh ive already voted, just forgot to give my reasoning.... whoops.... and i cant remember the score I gave it either.... whoops.
Seemed pretty pro though, had a nice little rhythm too. I could learn a thing or two perhaps....

[Shadow]

@craigatron If you voted, your choice would be in italics. :] Figured that would help.

And thanks Nethack ^^

[craigatron]

oh thats pretty clever. The wonderful world of technology.

[Shadow]

Indeed. So what rank did you give the piece? :O

[からす猫のデソル]

I'm voting 8/9... Seeing as at first the person didnt really care so much about being inlove.

[Banshee56]

I'm voting positive because it's about an end to loneliness and being jealous of every-one else, and how he doesn't care where he is as long as he's holding her hand. It's really cute

(this is where you lot all tell me that i'm being a noob and it's not about that at all lol )

[Shadow]

How are you a noob Banshee?

[Biggan]

This one was a 9
It is a very love-shouting poem since (according to my brain) its about two people who dont see each others very often, but they meet up, and have the day and perhaps also the night together.
It speaks about a person of gold, a love strong and passion burning brightly, still it wont get a ten... I dont know why...

[Blooded]

I voted 10 mainly because of the ending concluding the main idea of the poem. It's 100% pro.