Gaia Online Defeated!
Crazed Bombers on AL!
Nobody Suspects..
Gaia Online defeated! Tyrant TwatX's statue toppled!
Submitted by The Editor
It's official, folks! Gaia Online, the world's largest internet forum possessing three million users with less braincells between them, has been defeated! In an epic not seen since David verses Goliath, the light-footed animeleague toppled the hideous beast to the ground!
The need for invasion arose after the shocking suspectation of Gaia possessing Weapons of Mass N00bness (They're full of n00bs, there's masses of them, and their idiocy makes me wanna use weapons. Go figure -Ed). AL's numerous trolls and flamers were called out of reserve and hurled into the frontline almost immediately; for the world itself was at a deadly risk from such an intense concentration of outright stupidity.
Commander Anger Control, Animeleague's head officer ceased the moment and ordered the Big Bird Virus to be unleashed onto Gaia's servers Within moments the effects were all too apparent, as the popular sesame street character added his words gangster-rap style to every post on their boards. Even their fearless leader, TwatX, was affected by this devastating attack.
TwatX isn't laughing at Animeleague's threats of unleashing Big Bird onto him anymore.
It was not long before Gaia agreed to Animeleague's terms of surrender.
Those surrender terms in full.
1. GaiaOnline agreed to school all it's forum goers into the use of CORRECT ENGLISH. 1337 sp34k and takin liek u c this have been outlawed. The kind of collars that you find in that kickass movie, Battle Royale, have been fitted to all their members. One bad post and KABOOM!
2. Gaia agreed to vacinate all it's members against n00b flu epidemic (see last issue - Ed). AL's top scientists believe that the epidemic that struck AL last month may have originated from GaiaOnline!
3. All it's members must be castrated to avoid breeding future generations of forum goers. dbzprincess09 and Sailorm00n908 may sound like the perfect mother and father in theory, but top psychologists have shown that n00bs breeding can be devastating for the poor child (Being called Goku2005 will not get you into management positions in later life -Ed ).
4. GaiaOnline agreed to change it's banner to something that'd attract more intelligent posters:
5. All sexy busty females from their boards are being sent to FreeSaiyan's house. - (How did that get in there? - Ed)
All in all, a stunning victory for animeleague! If you, the reader, missed out on witnessing this, then make sure you pay attention next month when AL shall be invading www.microsoft.com! Here's to Mr Gates roasting over an open fire for Christmas time, folks!
Bombs! Explosions wreck Havoc on AL.
Submitted by FreeSaiyan.
| Animeleague was in a state of panic last night as news emerged of a hoard of masked maniacs on the loose throwing bombs all over the place. The first word was when a zoo in CityScape reported the theft of it's entire stock of kangaroos. It is believed that these 'Bombermen' jumped onto their kangaroos and rode around the streets trying to chuck bombs at one another in some cruel and sick attempt at a 'game'.
However, the sad fact is that this is no game. Indeed, it's effects are all real. If you are caught in the explosive blast without a kangaroo then you WILL be utterly disintergrated. Yes, sure, it gets you the points, but just think of the poor Bomberman families. Think of the children, damnit! The children! (Doh! - Ed). 
This satellite image clearly illustrates the sheer scale of the devastation. |
Do not let their cute appearance fool you. These kangaroos are killing machines. Some are also incredibly strong. Witnesses claim to have seen them kicking entire blocks twice their size across the streets. |
One particular sicko, FreeSaiyan, in a move that utterly repulses this newspaper, plans to hold an official 'Bomberman' Tournament just as this issue goes to publish. Click here to find out more! It's a really fun game to play! ^__^ (Forgive our writer, FreeSaiyan's, rather intense words in this article against FreeSaiyan and his bombers, he just feels very strongly on th- what the! ... wait just a second... - Ed)
Nobody suspects...
Submitted by BlackMage
With the clash of a gong three crimson clad persons of the cloth barge into a uncleansed Legacy thread, only to find a look of surprise spread across the visages of the numerous wai-wai emoticon whores inhabiting it. The cardinal in the center, wearing World War II era flight goggles lifts back his head and bellows “Nobody expects” and the two flanking him chime in with “The CL Inquisition!”
From the ashes of the Anti-Stupidity Act rises a new authority, equally as overzealous possibly even competent, sent to crush the overbearing mounds of mindless spam inhabiting Crazy League. Led by Cardinals Black Mage, a masculine looking Hikaru and an oddly non-metallic version of Bender they seek to obliterate all morons from the face of Crazy League and send their disembodied parts to the cesspool of idiocy: Ramblings. Through persuasion certainly not involving any form of fellatio, your cunning reporter was able to snag an exclusive interview with one of the members, Black Mage.
Legacy: So what powers do you possess which make you feel that you’re capable of crushing spam and restoring CL?
BM: For one, nobody expects us! Our chief elements are fear and surprise!
Legacy: Don’t you think you’d need more than that, like may-
BM: Nein! We have more chief elements, the power of Adolf! Ohh dearest Adolf, and let us not forget fear and surprise. Aye, fear, surprise and the power of Hitler! Hiel!
Legacy: While that certainly command great power in the 40s, what happens if the offenders aren’t Jewish?
Legacy: Well…we’ll just have to…burn them anyway! Just like Adolf did! Ohh it brings warmth to my soul, and my loins to hear the screams of those loathsome heathens to the new order. Springtime for Hitler and Germany!
Sadly, this interview could not be completed since Black Mage left to audition for the new Producers movie and eventually shot himself upon the realization that Will Ferrel had been cast in his place.
Past Issue News Items.
N00b Flu
Animeleague Riots
