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Dear Uncle Gleeman, I need your help! I'm 42 years old, and I have three children. My oldest son has a very unique problem, and I'm not sure what to do! He's seventeen years old, and he... well, he... he still believes in Santa Clause. Several years in a row he's actually stayed up, drinking COFFEE, to wait for Jolly old St. Nick--and I have to accomodate! The boy has had a very rough childhood, since he grew up with no father. I don't think he can accept the idea that Santa Clause isn't real. What do yout hink I should do? Dear Reader, I am very concerned about your son's condition. It's very disconcerting to know that any person, male or female, could believe in such a figure at that age. Seeing as it's likely he has a mental problem, I'm not sure how you should proceed. If I was you, though, I would just get him to hate Santa Clause, get him to refuse the old-timer the time of day. There's a sure-fire way to do it, too: -Buy an X-Box 360. -Give the console, the controllers, and any games, to charity. -Fill the X-Box 360's package with coal, wrap it up, and put it under the Christmas Tree. I am not liable for what may ensue. Dear Uncle Gleeman, my parents JUST DONT UNDERSTAND! I have SO much **** going on in my life write now it's impossible to tell you all of it!!! Im a Sophmore in highschool and I'm failing all my subjects because i hate math. I am an amateur writer... You sea, I really, REALLY like to write poetry. Unfortunately I am too... dark for the school's poetry club. I got kicked out when I read my poem "Black Flowers," an inspiring tale about a man who lost his wife, and how there was always a raven in his house. So because of that I turned to posting my things on the internet. Forums, much like AnimeLeague, that have sections dedicated to writing and this and that. Honestly, I get so many positive reviews! Just the other day someone named Jako posted saying "lol, i rly <3 this piece, honestly, seriously, ur gunna b a riter! never giv eup! NEVER!" And you know what? My parents are going to take my internet away for failing all my classes!! I hate math so much!!! What shoudl I do?! Before I get down to the simple (and believe me, it's very simple) answer, I'm interested in knowing a number of things. First of all, was the piece you read to them a paraphrased version of "The Raven" by E.A.P? If that's the case, that's likely why you got kicked out of your club. Second of all, what's with all of you people and posting your writing on anime forums? I don't understand why wou'd want someone who reads or watches trash like InuYasha, One Piece, or Bleach to tell you what's good and what's not. Ever tried posting on a forum for literature? You may get some better critiques there, though with poems named "Black Flower," I wouldn't get your hopes up. Now, here's the simple, simple answer: drop your online relationships--yes, with an s--and use the public library's computer to surf the web. Next please! Dear Uncle Gleeman, Do you think I was cheating on my girlfriend when I had cyber sex? GOD! YES! The worst thing is--and you know what, I'm not even talking to the douche bag who asked me this, I'm talking to you guys--this guy's girlfriend lives hundres of miles away from him, and he's dating her online! Seriously, when you're practicing the only form of intamacy you have with your partner with someone else, OF COURSE IT'S CHEATING. What the hell, how can you be forced to ask a question like that? |
Dear Uncle Gleeman, Music is dead. And, honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm so upset with all of the My Chemical Romance bands--Fall Out Boy, The Used, Taking Back Sunday, all of that shit. They all claim to be rock, but, good lord, with all the recycled guitar chords... It just drives you to the point of insanity. Honestly! I can't stand it. So I'm interested in knowing what you, Uncle Gleeman, do when you come across crap like this, since I know you have pretty good taste in music (though I don't care for that band Modest Mouse you like!). So how about it Uncle Gleeman? What do you do when you come across shitty bands that try to pass themselves off as rock? -P.S. MR MOJO RISING!!! First of all let me take a second to say I agree with you; bands like My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, The Used, and Taking back Sunday, all suck. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that they make my ears bleed. The other day I had to download a song for one of my good pals who just has TERRIBLE taste in music; it was called "When the Sun Sleeps" by Underoath (<3 Bregan). Christ, thirty-some seconds into the song, and this guy just... he started screaming the lyrics. The worst part was that I'm pretty sure he was trying to make his voice sound as awful as it did, because anyone born with that kind of voice gets killed when the parents can't put up with the crying anymore. All of the bands listed are exactly the same. So, back to your questin; what do I do when I hear crap like that? Well... let's see. First, since the only time I'd listen to that trash while not being masochistic would be when it comes on the radio, I turn the radio off. After that--Wait a second... Mr Mojo Rising? The Doors suck! A-ha, now I'l find out if Black Mage reads this. Dear Uncle Gleeman, I wuz rejekted frum teh "Adult Discussion" forem when I hav sum vry improtant issues 2 talk abot. My gf told me she was pregiez last week, and I have ABSOLUTLY no idea what 2 do! This is obviosly a very serios tissue and I thot it would be best if I bringed my concerns to that forum. I wuld hav post this in genarel discusion but i have some paritcularaties 2 aks about like can she realy get pregnat from anal sex? So Gleeman can u help me? What shud I do? My girlfriend is pregnatnt!!!!!! Hmm, well, I suppose I'll answer the question that kept you from posting in General Discussion. No, you can't get someone pregnant through anal sex. That you thought you could makes you an idiot. Anyway, now that I've dispelled that myth, try posting this in that forum or whatever. I'm not really the best guy to ask for help on this stuff. Well... you could post it there, or you could just change your name from SSJ54SenGoku and maybe you'd get into Adult Discussion. *shrug* 20:41 28/12/2005 Dear Uncle Gleeman, I just can't seem to do it! Honestly, I've... I've tried it on all the different modes, all the different settings, with the music turned low, with the music on high, with the music on OFF. I've tried it with the lights on, I've tried it with the lights off, I've tried it while having sex! But for God's sake man, I just CAN'T SEEM TO beat Street Fighter 2! I've never once beaten Bison, and that pisses me off so much! For whatever reason, I just, I choke when I fight him, man! I think I'm going to kill myself soon if I can't do it, I've been practicing this for years; I beat all of the other levels flawlessly, and you know that bonus car level where you have twenty seconds to destroy the car? I FOUND A WAY TO DESTROY IT IN FIVE! This is so frustrating man, what should I do? Hmm, do you play Guile? Yeah, don't play Guile. He's not a very good character. If I was you, I'd choose Ryu. |
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